Thoughts on Thanksgiving, Football, and what not…
- The Lions are ALOT worst than I ever imagined. Thankfully, they are not featured on national television more than once a year, so I wasn't subjected to witness the horror that is Detroit Lions football. It's frightening. It did not even look as if the Titans were facing an NFL franchise. My guess that entire Lion team is exhausted from trying to fit Daunte Culpepper into his uniform, that they have no energy to play come kickoff. He is a doughy individual. But he is the least of the Lions worries. The only player they can build around is Calvin Johnson. Luckily, they have two first round picks in next years draft and three picks in the first thirty-three. But factoring in the Lions recent draft history, they'll draft three wide-outs.
- Tony Romo is the most annoying athlete in sports. He doesn't look like an athlete. He's really nice. He's dating a beautiful woman (well). And his team NEEDS him. Seriously. The Cowboys are STACKED with ridiculous talent, top to bottom. Marion Barber. Roy Williams. Terrell Owens. Jason Witten. But none of them perform as one without Romo. He's an on-field arbitrator. He makes that team click. Even the defense for some reason. I said that Drew Brees was the MVP yesterday, but if they were to give the award on sheer objective valuability, Romo would win. I want to be Tony Romo.
- Cranberry sauce is delicious. It really is. It makes everything on your plate that much better. It makes the mashed potatoes better. The turkey better. The stuffing better. It's fantastic. I don't understand why I don't eat it more. It's seems I only eat it once a year, even though I eat turkey dozens of times a year. I always thought something was missing, it was the sauce. I should utilize it more often.
- Running is awful. At 8:30 this morning, before the stuffing of the face, I partook in a five mile run to benefit something. I'm assuming it was something important. Anyway, running is a terrible activity. Especially uphill. And especially when you have little kids and guys in their seventies passing you left and right. I'm not a runner.
Thanksgiving! NFL Picks! Cranberry Sauce!
I hate that if I want to do my NFL picks this week, I have to do them now. On Wednesday. Although I enjoy football on Thanksgiving, I just think that all NFL games for Week 13 should be on Thanksgiving. Tomorrow there are three games on television. Actually, two games on television and one on NFL Network. But staying in the tradition of the holiday, none of the games are interesting, in a playoff sense. Let's go through them (all the rest), shall we?
Thanksgiving Day
Tennessee over Detroit
What is the over/under for safeties on this game? But to be honest, I think it will be a lot closer than everyone believes. Tennessee was clearly brought down to Earth last week against the Jets. And even though the Lions have no pass rush, run defense, running game, special teams, or quarterback, don't put it past them to make a game out of this one.
Dallas over Seattle
Just when we thought the Cowboys were out of it, Tony Romo and his pinkie come back from injury and suddenly they are back in contention. They just won't go away. They're like the Patriots, except they don't win. But it looks like they will make quick work of the Seahawks and this game will be over before Wade Phillips shits his pants from giddiness.
Arizona over Philadelphia
Clearly, this is the best of the three games on Thanksgiving. No team from the west has traveled to the east and won a game this year. Some people blame the fact that the west teams lose three hours when traveling east. That's bull. Sure it happens, but none of these football players have any sense of time. And if that was the fact, just leave the airport three hours earlier. Shouldn't be a problem. I blame, like all of you should, the quality of teams in the west. And not just in the NFC. All west coast teams are overchieving or just bad, with the exception of the Cardinals. As far as the game goes, I'm going with Arizona. It's about time some team snuffed out a member of the NFC East's playoff hopes. If Shayne Graham hits that field goal and the end of overtime two weeks ago, we wouldn't be having this conversation. Kevin Kolb (Cobb) would be starting his career as the Eagles quarterback and Andy Reid would be writing his resume. But no, a tie was the final outcome, and now we are forced to witness a slow, painful death that will be the Philadelphia Eagles. I'm just hoping the Warner, Fitzgerald, or Boldin set some sort of offensive record during that game. Just to make it watchable.
Buffalo over San Francisco
The audience for this game has been narrowed down to a few demographics. They are as follows:
1. Buffalo Bill Fans: They are loyal SOBs and even though they have a paper thin shot at the playoffs, they'll watch. My suggestion to them is to start drinking heavily.
2. San Francisco Fans: You never hear much from them, but they are there. They don't really complain a lot. It was more the media who called for Mike Nolan's job and Mike Singletary's pants dropping escapade. The latter being the fact that most people will watch. Hoping he does it on the field.
3. Frank Gore/Lee Evans Fantasy Owners: Myself being a Gore owner, I am hoping he does not shit the bed like he did against the Cowboys (24 yds, 0 TD). He was money the first half of the season, but since his injury, he has really fallen off. Anyway, I can't really think of another demographic who would have a reason to watch this game. Maybe Toronto Argonauts fans.
Baltimore over Cincinnati
John Harbaugh has really done a great job with the Ravens. Coach of the year is definitely not a clear cut decision. Harbaugh is one. Mike Smith with the Falcons. Jim Zorn of the Redskins. And ugh, Bill Belichick. I go with Mike Smith. Let's go through what he had to deal with coming into this season:
1. Michael Vick, the most famous player in their franchise's history is currently serving a 21 month jail sentence on a dog fighting conviction.
2. Bobby Petrino, bailed on their team after 13 games to go coach the Arkansas Razorbacks.
3. With the 3rd pick in the draft, they select Matt Ryan of Boston College to start at quarterback.
4. Michael Turner, a career backup with San Diego, signs a big deal with Atlanta to start.
All that, and they currently have a winning record in arguably the best division in football. Bill Belichick could win it every year, but that just wouldn't be fair.
New Orleans over Tampa Bay
Drew Brees is the MVP. There is no argument. Zero. None. He makes every player in that offense better. Except Shockey, who loves to underachieve. But seriously, if Lance Moore or Devery Henderson are on any other team, they're on the scout team.
New York over Washington
I'm just waiting for the Giants to fall off. And I'm a Giants supporter. But they have had no set back from losing anyone this season. Osi and Strahan out: keep winning. Burress out: Keep winning. Jacobs and Burress out: Keep winning. Who's got to go down in order to get this team to start losing? Carney? Feagles? David Carr? This team in unbelievable. I would pencil them in for the Super Bowl at this point, but I don't want to jinx them. I've got my fingers crossed for that Jets/Giants Super Bowl everyone has been talking about.*
*I want to talk about this a little more. Can you imagine if both teams had conference championships at the Meadowlands on the same day? How does that even work? I'm assuming that the NFL will make some exception and have one game on Saturday and one on Sunday. But if that were to happen, that would be the most anticipated weekend in the history on New York sports. And we would finally steal back the spotlight from Boston.
Miami over St. Louis
Both these teams have had odd years. The Rams were supposed to be semi-competitive coming into the year. And the Dolphins were rebuilding since day one. The Rams start off slow, fire their head coach, beat Washington and Dallas, then proceed to suck again. Miami suprises everyone by being respectable, embarasses the Patriots on the road, and now has a record of 6-5. In a game like this, I go by which #1 draft pick is performing better. Coming out of the draft I thought Chris Long was rated too high and so far has four sacks. Joe Thomas is already one of the best left tackles in the game. So I'm picking Miami.
Indianapolis over Cleveland
Where would the Colts be without Peyton Manning? 2-9? 3-8 maybe? He has put that awful team on his back and carried them to a 7-4 record. In other news, Brady Quinn will be on for the year with a broken finger. You can lift all you want Quinn, it's not going to save your season from a broken finger. So much for that experiment in Cleveland. Now, Derek Anderson will go back under center for the Browns. This feels like the beginning of the season, except without all the hype. Which is what it should have been. Because the Browns suck. Braylon Edwards can't catch a cold (Member of my Fantasy team), Romeo Crennel will be gone before the end of the season, and their GM Phil Savage is cursing out their fans via e-mail. Sabathia, LeBron, and the Browns. I'm glad I don't live there.
Green Bay over Carolina
Even though the Packers got their clocks cleaned down in New Orleans, I like them at home against the Panthers. This is a weird game to pick. The Panthers have looked very good at times with a very balanced offense. Smith and Muhammed in the air. Williams and Stewart on the ground. And an above average quarterback under center. The Packers are having growing pains with first year starter Aaron Rodgers, but have looked good at times. I'm looking for the Packers to turn in around at home.
Atlanta over San Diego
I've doubted the Falcons all year long. Never believe in them. I thought Ryan would be this good eventually, but not in eleven games. Now, I am a believer. As you recall, I chose the Chargers to make the Super Bowl. What I did not incorporate at the time of that selection was Norv Turner's ineptitude at the head coaching position. He is clearly another case of "an excellent coordinator can make an awful head coach". A guy who can scheme, plot, and draw up plays with the best of them, but when you add clock management and personnel management, their brain melts. I have a feeling the melting the brain will occur, as it did last week, when he faces a real head coach, in Mike Smith.
New York over Denver
Can I get excited yet? Am I allowed to come out of my cave? Can I openly root for the New York Jets without them ripping my heart out at the last minute? Every time I think big things for my Jets, I just remind myself of the two missed Doug Brien field goal attempts in the 2005 AFC Divisional round against the Steelers, and I am brought back to life. This year could be different. They have real playmakers on both sides of the ball. They have strong offensive and defensive lines. And they have Brett Favre, who I am waiting to throw 15 consecutive picks. He hasn't done that yet, which is nice. All I'm asking for is a playoff run. AFC Championship maybe? Anything. Something to cheer about.
Pittsburgh over New England
I can't believe as this point in the season I am writing about the Patriots still having a chance at the AFC East title. They're like Rasputin, they just won't die. THIS ISN'T WHAT'S SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN! MATT CASSEL SHOULD NOT BE GOOD! HE SHOULD SUCK! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?! Ugh, the Steelers have to win. They just have to. I'm sick of New England fans saying "Ahh tha Patriahts ah gunna destroy Troy Pahlahmaluh and tha rest of tha Pittsburgh Steelahs." It's time they focus their fandom to the Bruins or something.
Kansas City over Oakland
This used to be some sort of rivalry or something.
Minnesota over Chicago
How is NBC going to promote this matchup? I'm betting dollars to doughnuts it won't be "ORTON VS. FREROTTE". I'm leaning towards "PETERSON VS. FORTE". When Peterson is in a game, it is immediately watchable. That's only the case for a few players in the NFL: Brett Favre, Peyton Manning, Tom Brady, Eli Manning, Terrell Owens, Tony Romo, LaDainian Tomlinson, and maybe Rex Grossman.
Jacksonville over Houston
Oh what a Monday Night Football game! What will Kornheiser, Tirico, and Jaworski talk about during this one? David Garrard's battle with Crohn's disease? The fact that Maurice Jones Drew has three names? I can't wait!
Lebron…
Cavaliers, Lebron visit Garden to face off against the Knicks
Never will a visiting player get a better ovation than Lebron will tonight. After Donnie Walsh traded Jamal Crawford and Zach Randolph, he set it up perfectly so after next season, the Knicks will make a run for Mr. James services. Lebron has hinted at coming to New York since the day he was drafted. He talks about how New York is the mecca of basketball. He's a Yankee fan. And he is friends with Jay-Z. The latter suggests he wants to go to the Nets. But what superstar athlete in their right mind would want to play out their career at the Izod Center? The Nets are not moving the Brooklyn. Trust me. Not in this economy. Anyway, watch the game tonight. There will be chants of "We Want Lebron", "Come to New York", and "Have my child" all night. Man, Cleveland sucks. New York is going to take all their crap. First, Sabathia. Then, Lebron.
Super Bowl XLIII
The NFL is only 12 weeks old, but I believe now is the appropriate time to start salivating over potential Super Bowl matchups. And at this point, there are several teams that we can all agree are not making the Super Bowl. Those teams are as follows: Cleveland Browns, Cincinnati Bengals, Jacksonville Jaguars, Houston Texans, San Diego Chargers, Oakland Raiders, Kansas City Chiefs, Philadelphia Eagles, Detrot Lions, San Francisco 49ers, Seattle Seahawks, and St. Louis Rams. Anyone can argue that some of these teams have not been eliminated from playoff contention. But let's be honest with ourselves, if any of these teams are playing in February, lets just disband the league. So with the elimination of those losers, that leaves twenty other teams to form a myriad of possible Super Bowl matchups. Within those choices are the best of the best (Packers v. Jets), to the worst of the worst (Panthers v. Ravens). Let's go through some of the better ones, shall we?
Jets v. Packers (#1)
Lets just preface this by saying that any Super Bowl with Brett Favre would probably be the most watched Super Bowl in history. Whether you like him (Peter King, ESPN, Jets fans), or hate him (everyone else), a Super Bowl with Brett Favre is pure insanity. But a matchup like this could have books written about it until the end of time. Favre, who spent his entire career with the Green Bay Packers and is beloved by every man, woman, child, animal in the State of Wisconsin, is ousted in the off season by the team in an effort to give a chance to understudy quarterback Aaron Rodgers. Brett, who is afraid of growing up, decides that he still has something left in the tank. So Green Bay trades him to the New York Jets. They believe that this move would never bite them in the ass seeing that the New York Jets have not been competitive since the swinging sixties. But look at where we are now. Jets are currently first in the AFC East and one of the best teams in the NFL. While the Packers are struggling behind Aaron Rodgers with a 5-5 record and third in the NFC North. If this Super Bowl were to happen, ESPN would dedicate one of their channels to it. Peter King's erection would have an erection. And if the Jets defeated the Packers in Super Bowl XLIII, the Green Bay organization might be overrun by their "owners". Let's just pray it happens.
Jets v. Giants (#2)
This one is clearly a close second. Both teams play in the same building for God's sake! And once again, Brett Favre is involved! But let's put it this way. The Giants, who pulled off one of the greatest upsets in the history of sports in last year's Super Bowl, defend their title against the team who they share rent with. It's roommate on roommate for the last slice of pizza (bragging rights). And Brett Favre's there! Although New York is a baseball town, this would trump the Yankee/Met world series back in 2000. Why? Because it's the Super Bowl. Even people without televisions watch it. And lest we forget, the halftime show will be performed by...Bruce Springsteen. If that's not a New Jerse....New York Super Bowl, I don't know what is. And pssst...Brett Favre's gonna be there.
Giants v. Colts (#3)
This one writers, analysts, talking heads, and the media in general have had a woody over since Eli was drafted in 2004. Up until two years ago, no one thought it was possible because Peyton Manning was a choke artist. And up until last year, still no one thought it was possbile because Eli Manning was not his brother. Now that both of them have their own rings and don't have to share anymore, the prospect of Brother on Brother television is entirely possible come February. Needless to say, this matchup is dripping with intrigue. We can finally put to rest the "Who's the better Manning" argument. Regardless of the outcome, I still say Cooper.
Giants v. Patriots (#4)
I've been told by many a Patriot fan that Matt Cassel is the second coming. These were the same fans who were holding Tom Brady vigils after he went down in the first game of the season. This may sound weird but all New England fans are insanely loyal, they just can't stick to what they are loyal too. Maybe they're just idiots. But anyway, a rematch of last year's Super Bowl would be very fun to watch. Especially since the tables would be turned. The Giants would come into the game as heavy, double-digit favorites against a team that rallied behind their maligned quarterback to the Super Bowl. Except this time, all of America will still be rooting for the Giants. No one, and I mean, no one likes what's going on in Foxboro right now. When Brady went down, it was supposed to be over. Patriots were supposed to go 4-12 and quietly go peacefully into that good night. But no, Matt Cassel is a pro bowl quarterback and the Pats are one of the best teams in the AFC. It's just sickening.
Cowboys v. Patriots (#5)
It's a battle of the most hated teams in America. People would watch it just to yell at the television. Its a lose-lose scenario of any non-Cowboy or Patriot fan. But bottomline: It's good T.V. Owens. Romo. Belichick. Moss. A giddy Wade Phillips. Cassel. What reasonable football fan wouldn't watch that.
What I’m listening to now…
Kings of Leon-Sex on Fire
Foo Fighters-Everlong
Smashing Pumpkins-Today
Headlines…
Seton Hall defeats #20 USC 63-61
Okay, I understand that this isn't exactly newsworthy to the masses. Unranked teams beat ranked teams all the time. But Seton Hall (my school) usually never beats anyone. Last year we had a winning record and got ousted in the first round of the Big East Tournament by Marquette. This year could be even worse. Seton Hall only has seven scholarship players on the roster out of a possible twelve. On November 5th, they held walk-on tryouts and I'm pretty sure they actually took two walk-ons. I knew I should have tried out. Today they face Memphis in the semifinals of the Puerto Rico Tip Off. Yesterday they played in front of probably eighteen total spectators and today will most likely be in front of twenty-eight, maybe. I've never been a Seton Hall fan until I started going there. I guess that makes sense. You spend an unholy amount of hard earned dollars to attend a school that pretty much gives you the same amount of education as any institution. The least you can ask is for a few wins for the basketball team.
Hold me
It’s what separates us from the animals … except the weasel.
Sigh, for the seventh straight year, my application for "Sexiest Man Alive" was denied. What do I got to do to get some notoriety around here? What am I lacking that Hugh Jackman has? I'm pretty sure it's because I'm not Australian. Damn Eastern Hemisphere Bias.
Hey! Guess who's coming back to the NFL? I'll give you a hint: Make it Rain. Nothing? I'll give you another one: My entourage paralyzed a strip club bouncer. That's right, Adam "Pacman" Jones is being reinstated after completing alcohol rehabilitation. If only real jobs gave you as many chances as the NFL does. In real life, you say "black coffee" and someone mishears you, you won't be able to find a job in the same country. Not in the NFL. You could slam a strippers head on the floor for all you wanted and still cash a fat check at the end of the night. Pacman is truly living the American Dream.
Mussina calls it quits.
I've never had anything against Mike Mussina. I guess I've always represented him with the demise of the Yankees dynasty. He signed an eight year deal with the Yankees back in 2001. And Game 7 of that year's Fall Classic isn't one of my favorite Yankee moments. Since 2001, the Yankees have been to the playoffs seven times, and the World Series twice, but haven't sealed the deal. And although Mussina is one of the only pitchers in the history of the free agent era to live up to an eight year deal. He was reliable, durable, and successful in pinstripes.
We can only hope for Sabathia to be the same way for the Yanks. Because, let's face it, he's coming to New York. The players association won't allow him to turn that offer down. Donald Fehr will pistol whip CC if he has to. No team is coming close to that offer either. Omar Minaya made some passing remark about how they are going after him also. But as soon as Minaya realizes that Sabathia isn't latino, his interest will diminish quickly.
As far as Teixeira goes. Look, I would love to have him. I'm sure every Yankee fan would love to have him. After 7 years of steroid using admissions, sub-par fielding, and mustache growing, the fans are looking for something a little more legitimate on first base. And Teixeira is it. Hits for power. Hits for average. Gets on base. Gold glove fielder. Great teammate. And is just a really cool dude and I hope we could hang out some time.
Best of…
There are some things in life that are just too good to be true. Things that make you want to smile, laugh, cry, gloat, thrust, and love all at once. Currently, there is nothing that makes me want to do that (maybe the Jets). Anyway, after reading this Cracked.com article, I learned there are many unnecessary greatest hits albums out in circulation. Obviously, I assumed as much. There are plenty of talentless "musicians" out there, and probably more than half of them believe they are talented enough to put out a greatest hits album. "Musicians" such as Tone Loc, John Tesh, Aaron Carter, and Vanilla Ice have all done so. Cracked does a terrific job breaking down the awfulness of each album and what some listeners think of them. After reading numbers ten through two, I couldn't even imagine who could be number one. Lo and behold it is Shaq. I hate the fact that I haven't known about this album until this day, given the fact that it was released twelve years ago. But I do understand why I haven't...It's Shaquille O'Neal Greatest Hits Album. I usually listen to music from word of mouth, and needless to say my friends weren't harrassing me with phone calls saying "HAVE YOU LISTENED TO SHOOT PASS SLAM YET?!" I do feel kind of stupid making fun of a twelve year old greatest hits album from a NBA basketball player, but after reading the song list, I couldn't resist. So with out further adieu, here it is...
1. I'm Outstanding
2. Shoot Pass Slam
3. What's Up Doc (Can we Rock)
4. Biological Didn't Bother (G-Funk Version)
5. Mic Check 1-2
6. Where Ya At?
7. (I Know I Got) Skillz
8. No Hook
9. Boom!
10. Newark to C.I.
11. My Style, My Stelo
12. Biological Didn't Bother (Original Flow)
I haven't officially HEARD any of these songs, but I have a feeling what they sound like. Probably something similar to the Kobe "How's my ass taste?" Rap. But, if that rap was an improvement to what is on this album, I can safely assume it's just Shaq grunting and moaning.
If the names of the songs are any indication, this is a non-stop, hilarity filled, rhyming-dictionaried thunderstorm. Songs like "Boom!" or "My Style, My Stelo" can only but guarantee a aesthetic journey unlike ever before. Also, if you enjoyed the G-funk version of "Biological Didn't Bother", there is a scientific certainly that the 'original flow' will blow your mind.
Horrifyingly enough, this musical masterpiece is being sold at Amazon.com for the unholy price of $11.98. So if you don't feel like eating lunch one day, order it and enjoy.
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- Hey Adam Levine, maybe she's not picking up because its 2012 and you're calling from a PAY PHONE.
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