Sean B. Fitzgerald It doesn’t go something like this, it goes exactly like this.

Thanksgiving! NFL Picks! Cranberry Sauce!

I hate that if I want to do my NFL picks this week, I have to do them now. On Wednesday. Although I enjoy football on Thanksgiving, I just think that all NFL games for Week 13 should be on Thanksgiving. Tomorrow there are three games on television. Actually, two games on television and one on NFL Network. But staying in the tradition of the holiday, none of the games are interesting, in a playoff sense. Let's go through them (all the rest), shall we?

Thanksgiving Day

Tennessee over Detroit
What is the over/under for safeties on this game? But to be honest, I think it will be a lot closer than everyone believes. Tennessee was clearly brought down to Earth last week against the Jets. And even though the Lions have no pass rush, run defense, running game, special teams, or quarterback, don't put it past them to make a game out of this one.

Dallas over Seattle
Just when we thought the Cowboys were out of it, Tony Romo and his pinkie come back from injury and suddenly they are back in contention. They just won't go away. They're like the Patriots, except they don't win. But it looks like they will make quick work of the Seahawks and this game will be over before Wade Phillips shits his pants from giddiness.

Arizona over Philadelphia
Clearly, this is the best of the three games on Thanksgiving. No team from the west has traveled to the east and won a game this year. Some people blame the fact that the west teams lose three hours when traveling east. That's bull. Sure it happens, but none of these football players have any sense of time. And if that was the fact, just leave the airport three hours earlier. Shouldn't be a problem. I blame, like all of you should, the quality of teams in the west. And not just in the NFC. All west coast teams are overchieving or just bad, with the exception of the Cardinals. As far as the game goes, I'm going with Arizona. It's about time some team snuffed out a member of the NFC East's playoff hopes. If Shayne Graham hits that field goal and the end of overtime two weeks ago, we wouldn't be having this conversation. Kevin Kolb (Cobb) would be starting his career as the Eagles quarterback and Andy Reid would be writing his resume. But no, a tie was the final outcome, and now we are forced to witness a slow, painful death that will be the Philadelphia Eagles. I'm just hoping the Warner, Fitzgerald, or Boldin set some sort of offensive record during that game. Just to make it watchable.

Buffalo over San Francisco
The audience for this game has been narrowed down to a few demographics. They are as follows:

1. Buffalo Bill Fans: They are loyal SOBs and even though they have a paper thin shot at the playoffs, they'll watch. My suggestion to them is to start drinking heavily.

2. San Francisco Fans: You never hear much from them, but they are there. They don't really complain a lot. It was more the media who called for Mike Nolan's job and Mike Singletary's pants dropping escapade. The latter being the fact that most people will watch. Hoping he does it on the field.

3. Frank Gore/Lee Evans Fantasy Owners: Myself being a Gore owner, I am hoping he does not shit the bed like he did against the Cowboys (24 yds, 0 TD). He was money the first half of the season, but since his injury, he has really fallen off. Anyway, I can't really think of another demographic who would have a reason to watch this game. Maybe Toronto Argonauts fans.

Baltimore over Cincinnati
John Harbaugh has really done a great job with the Ravens. Coach of the year is definitely not a clear cut decision. Harbaugh is one. Mike Smith with the Falcons. Jim Zorn of the Redskins. And ugh, Bill Belichick. I go with Mike Smith. Let's go through what he had to deal with coming into this season:

1. Michael Vick, the most famous player in their franchise's history is currently serving a 21 month jail sentence on a dog fighting conviction.

2. Bobby Petrino, bailed on their team after 13 games to go coach the Arkansas Razorbacks.

3. With the 3rd pick in the draft, they select Matt Ryan of Boston College to start at quarterback.

4. Michael Turner, a career backup with San Diego, signs a big deal with Atlanta to start.

All that, and they currently have a winning record in arguably the best division in football. Bill Belichick could win it every year, but that just wouldn't be fair.

New Orleans over Tampa Bay
Drew Brees is the MVP. There is no argument. Zero. None. He makes every player in that offense better. Except Shockey, who loves to underachieve. But seriously, if Lance Moore or Devery Henderson are on any other team, they're on the scout team.

New York over Washington
I'm just waiting for the Giants to fall off. And I'm a Giants supporter. But they have had no set back from losing anyone this season. Osi and Strahan out: keep winning. Burress out: Keep winning. Jacobs and Burress out: Keep winning. Who's got to go down in order to get this team to start losing? Carney? Feagles? David Carr? This team in unbelievable. I would pencil them in for the Super Bowl at this point, but I don't want to jinx them. I've got my fingers crossed for that Jets/Giants Super Bowl everyone has been talking about.*

*I want to talk about this a little more. Can you imagine if both teams had conference championships at the Meadowlands on the same day? How does that even work? I'm assuming that the NFL will make some exception and have one game on Saturday and one on Sunday. But if that were to happen, that would be the most anticipated weekend in the history on New York sports. And we would finally steal back the spotlight from Boston.

Miami over St. Louis
Both these teams have had odd years. The Rams were supposed to be semi-competitive coming into the year. And the Dolphins were rebuilding since day one. The Rams start off slow, fire their head coach, beat Washington and Dallas, then proceed to suck again. Miami suprises everyone by being respectable, embarasses the Patriots on the road, and now has a record of 6-5. In a game like this, I go by which #1 draft pick is performing better. Coming out of the draft I thought Chris Long was rated too high and so far has four sacks. Joe Thomas is already one of the best left tackles in the game. So I'm picking Miami.

Indianapolis over Cleveland
Where would the Colts be without Peyton Manning? 2-9? 3-8 maybe? He has put that awful team on his back and carried them to a 7-4 record. In other news, Brady Quinn will be on for the year with a broken finger. You can lift all you want Quinn, it's not going to save your season from a broken finger. So much for that experiment in Cleveland. Now, Derek Anderson will go back under center for the Browns. This feels like the beginning of the season, except without all the hype. Which is what it should have been. Because the Browns suck. Braylon Edwards can't catch a cold (Member of my Fantasy team), Romeo Crennel will be gone before the end of the season, and their GM Phil Savage is cursing out their fans via e-mail. Sabathia, LeBron, and the Browns. I'm glad I don't live there.

Green Bay over Carolina
Even though the Packers got their clocks cleaned down in New Orleans, I like them at home against the Panthers. This is a weird game to pick. The Panthers have looked very good at times with a very balanced offense. Smith and Muhammed in the air. Williams and Stewart on the ground. And an above average quarterback under center. The Packers are having growing pains with first year starter Aaron Rodgers, but have looked good at times. I'm looking for the Packers to turn in around at home.

Atlanta over San Diego
I've doubted the Falcons all year long. Never believe in them. I thought Ryan would be this good eventually, but not in eleven games. Now, I am a believer. As you recall, I chose the Chargers to make the Super Bowl. What I did not incorporate at the time of that selection was Norv Turner's ineptitude at the head coaching position. He is clearly another case of "an excellent coordinator can make an awful head coach". A guy who can scheme, plot, and draw up plays with the best of them, but when you add clock management and personnel management, their brain melts. I have a feeling the melting the brain will occur, as it did last week, when he faces a real head coach, in Mike Smith.

New York over Denver
Can I get excited yet? Am I allowed to come out of my cave? Can I openly root for the New York Jets without them ripping my heart out at the last minute? Every time I think big things for my Jets, I just remind myself of the two missed Doug Brien field goal attempts in the 2005 AFC Divisional round against the Steelers, and I am brought back to life. This year could be different. They have real playmakers on both sides of the ball. They have strong offensive and defensive lines. And they have Brett Favre, who I am waiting to throw 15 consecutive picks. He hasn't done that yet, which is nice. All I'm asking for is a playoff run. AFC Championship maybe? Anything. Something to cheer about.

Pittsburgh over New England
I can't believe as this point in the season I am writing about the Patriots still having a chance at the AFC East title. They're like Rasputin, they just won't die. THIS ISN'T WHAT'S SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN! MATT CASSEL SHOULD NOT BE GOOD! HE SHOULD SUCK! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?! Ugh, the Steelers have to win. They just have to. I'm sick of New England fans saying "Ahh tha Patriahts ah gunna destroy Troy Pahlahmaluh and tha rest of tha Pittsburgh Steelahs." It's time they focus their fandom to the Bruins or something.

Kansas City over Oakland
This used to be some sort of rivalry or something.

Minnesota over Chicago
How is NBC going to promote this matchup? I'm betting dollars to doughnuts it won't be "ORTON VS. FREROTTE". I'm leaning towards "PETERSON VS. FORTE". When Peterson is in a game, it is immediately watchable. That's only the case for a few players in the NFL: Brett Favre, Peyton Manning, Tom Brady, Eli Manning, Terrell Owens, Tony Romo, LaDainian Tomlinson, and maybe Rex Grossman.

Jacksonville over Houston
Oh what a Monday Night Football game! What will Kornheiser, Tirico, and Jaworski talk about during this one? David Garrard's battle with Crohn's disease? The fact that Maurice Jones Drew has three names? I can't wait!