Status Update
Okay, he just posted a status on AIM. It goes as follows:
"Away: Sleep...my face vs a bottle.. happy new year"
Now, what is he trying to say here? Is he implying that he was in a fight last night? A bar fight perhaps? Whatever the case, I'm sure he really messed up the other guy. He is SO tough. What an interesting life he leads! I'm glad he told everyone what he was up to. I was getting worried.
It's only a matter of time before he finds out what I'm doing. He's never talked to me about my blog, so maybe he doesn't read it. Let's see how long this can last.
Rant: Statuses (Stati?)
Of the many good things that the technological age has given us, there is one thing that essentially cancels them all out. And that my friends, are statuses. The ability to tell the entire world what you are doing at this EXACT moment.
I spend a fair amount of time on the computer. Browsing the internet, talking to friends online, reading blogs, writing blogs, and yes, spending time on Facebook. Facebook has many great utilities. You can catch up with old friends, network with potential employers, and even post your resume. But the status update utility serves no real purpose. It's really just a way to draw attention to yourself. Because essentially, no one needs to know that information. And if it truly was important, you would tell those closest to you and not to your 1,200 "friends" online. Regardless, if someone is going to tell the world some aspect of their lives, shouldn't it at least be interesting? I understand that some Facebook statuses are cute and harmless. Those people tend to rarely post statuses. But others are so ridiculously inconsequential, you begin to question their motives. Why are they really posting this online for everyone to see? Are they hoping someone will take notice? I doubt there are people out there who are hanging on this person's every status.
Since I started using Facebook after graduating high school, I largely use the status utility to post the site for this very blog. Note: I understand this post is dripping with irony considering I have a blog which expresses my thoughts and feelings about a variety of issues in my daily life. Anyway, other than that use, I ignored other people's statuses. They didn't bother me. Until I started paying attention to one of my friends' updates. These updates are not on Facebook actually, they're on instant messenger. Which is doubly annoying, seeing that I am on IM most of the day. But as I started to read them everyday, I became so annoyed with them. I know the guy well, and he makes it seems that A) his life is a lot more interesting than it actually is and B) that people really do care about what he is doing. That might be mean on my part, but this guy is WAY to cocky for his own good. I doubt he reads this blog, but I still won't disclose his name. Currently, he does not have an update up (SHOCKING!). But when he does, I'll be sure to post it, dissect it, make fun of it, etc.
These status updates need to be stopped. I don't want to know what you're doing.
Just wanted to know…
I kind of wanted to get a grasp as to why anyone would read this blog. And I wanted to try out this poll thing. Hopefully, it works. If it does, I'll use it more often. Because it's a nice way to ask stupid questions without appearing stupid.
[polldaddy poll=1209400]
Thoughts on Week 17 and the NFL Playoffs
- Let me preface this by saying that I hate the Patriots. I hate them. I hate them more than nuts in brownies. I hate the franchise. I hate their players. I hate their coaches. And of course, I hate their fans. Because nothing is worse in this country than a cocky New Englander. But that fact that they are not in the playoffs is ridiculous. I don't need to go through why either. An 11-5 record should warrant a playoff spot. Especially since the 8-8 San Diego Chargers will be HOSTING a playoff game. Same with those 9-7 Arizona Cardinals. I think it's time for the NFL to go to some kind of system where strength of schedule, rankings, point differential, and overall record are taken into account and some sort of decimal is generated thus determining the best teams in the league. Yeah, that'll do.
- Speaking of those Chargers, the Colts got hosed. They have the same record as the New York Giants (12-4) and have to play a first round game AT San Diego. What. A. Joke. I can't believe Norv Turner made the playoffs. He's been on the hot seat so long, you can grill burgers off his ass. But he continues to skate by. He's the same caliber coach as any of the head coaches fired this year. But Marty Schottenheimer's talent keeps him winning.
- Mangini fired. It feels so good to type those words. Since I don't want to talk about the past, I'll think towards the future. And at this point, I'll take any of the potential candidates for the Jets head coaching position. Schottenheimer, Cowher, Spagnuolo, Gilbride, Me, anyone. Anyone with a pulse. Because Mangini didn't have one. I like some emotion with my coaches. The man looked catatonic after every play. I like to think it's because he was confused about what was going on and still was learning the game of football. Anyway, he's gone. It's time to move forward.
- Ladies and Gentlemen, your Befeated 2008 Detroit Lions!
- Even though the Jets did not make the playoffs (which they wouldn't have deserved anyway), there are four things I am happy about regarding Week 17. I am a Giants supporter and am happy that they have a first round bye and home field throughout the playoffs. They are clearly the best team in the NFC and could have a fairly easy road to the playoffs. We'll see. Obviously I am happy that the Patriots didn't make the playoffs. Their fans have had enough and no one deserves a crushing blow to their team than Bostonians. I couldn't be happier for Chad Pennington. He showed to the Jets, the team that ran him out of town for Brett Favre, how good he really was. Admittedly, I wanted Favre and if it was at the expense of Pennington, I'd take it. But Chad rubbed it in our collective faces. Definition of bittersweet. And finally, a team I hate more than the Patriots, are the Cowboys. I hate them because all of the supposed "fans" they have. I live in New York. I know more Cowboys fans than I do Jet fans. Why? Why are they fans? They never lived in Texas. I bet they couldn't point to Texas on a map. Yet nothing could get between them and their 'Boys. It's because their frontrunners. And nothing shuts a frontrunner up than 12 years without a playoff win. I hope they keep Romo for the next ten years. Overrated. He is "Favre: The Next Generation".
I'm fired? Okay.
More Christmas…
I've been told by my reader (my sister) that I did not finish my previous post. And that I should have talked about the presents I received for Christmas. I'm sorry that I did not do so. I wasn't really paying attention when I wrote that post. Too much nog I guess.
Anyway, I received some nice gifts for Christmas. My sister gave me a #11 Larry Fitzgerald jersey. Seen below:
Clutch gift. Big time. I have many jerseys. Manning, Brady, Vick (before, you know), Santana Moss?, and others. But the one I always really wanted was Larry Fitzgerald's . For obvious reasons. The man has MY last name. And MY favorite number. He IS me. But 6'5, a pro bowler and black. That's beside the point. Since he was drafted out of Pittsburgh in 2004, I've searched high and low for his Cardinal jersey. Sports Authority, Modells, Finish Line, Foot Locker, Champs. Not one of them had his jersey. Not one. But there were plenty of Matt Leinart jerseys to be had. The man can't sniff playing time and his jersey is half the display case in Foot Locker. Blasphemy! But now I have it. I don't know where she found it, I don't care. Now its time to wear it until the letters fall off and I'm eventually sporting a #1 Itzger jersey.
My parents gave me a bunch of gifts. DVDs, gloves, a calendar, jeans among other things. My favorite gift I received from them was a GPS device for my car. Seen below:
Initally, inside I had a typical man reaction to a gift such as this one. I was thinking, "Hey, I'm a man, I don't need this. I don't need some machine telling me where I'm going! I'm a man I tells ya!" But in reality, I need it. I really do. I think everyone should have one. There is no worse feeling than being lost. Given where my school is, and my job, I do ALOT of driving. It could never hurt to know exactly where you are. I commute to college in New Jersey. And if you're thinking about taking a trip to Jersey, don't. The state is mostly highways, thruways, parkways, and driveways. And every fifteen feet there is a toll booth. Its like what the late great George Carlin once said, "You can't back out of you driveway in New Jersey, without some schmuck in a hat wants fifty cents." Jersey is like one big road. So I'm glad I have it.
Week 17 Picks:
Atlanta over St. Louis (I can't believe I have a Michael Vick jersey.)
Buffalo over New England (Really more of a wish than a pick.)
Kansas City over Cincinnati (Ugh. The Marvin Lewis/Herm Edwards firing countdown starts in...6 months ago.)
Chicago over Houston (They'll win, but I cringe from the thought of Kyle Orton in the playoffs.)
Minnesota over New York (It's about time they made the playoffs, for Minnesota's sake.)
New Orleans over Carolina (Brees breaks Marino's record, Atlanta gets the #2 seed, Vick still in prison.)
Pittsburgh over Cleveland (I think the Browns are starting their fourth string tight end at QB.)
Tampa Bay over Oakland (Another digusting game. Tampa Bay still has a shot at the playoffs.)
Tennessee over Indianapolis (The Colts usually sit their entire team when it doesn't matter. With both teams having nowhere to go, this will be very, very boring. Prepare to see a lot of Mr. Sorgi. And even Vince Young!)
Detroit over Green Bay (The most anticipated game of the year so far. I really wish they flexed this game to Sunday night. As much as I want to see 0-16, I think the Lions will play harder than any other team has played ever. And keep the '76 Buccaneers record safe, for now.)
Baltimore over Jacksonville (Boring. Next game.)
Seattle over Arizona (From what I saw last week from the Seahawks, they definitely can win this game. Prepare for an 8-8 division winner. Just another example for why the NFL needs to adjust their playoff system.)
San Francisco over Washington (The Niners will solidfy Mike Singletary's job stability, while at the same time, put Jim Zorn's ass on fire.)
Miami over New York (I knew I shouldn't have been excited for this year's Jet season. Inevitably, Pennington will lead a drive down the field, and take the lead. And on the ensuing drive, Favre will throw a pick on 1st and goal to end the game. It makes too much sense.)
Dallas over Philadelphia (This Dallas team has just enough strife and dissention to win the God damn Super Bowl. I can feel it. And remember, I did pick them to win it all at the beginning of the season, to beat the Chargers. Speaking of which...)
San Diego over Denver (Another 8-8 division winner. The choke job that the Broncos put on this year was one for the ages. And a loss to the Chargers who be the icing on the cake.)
The Day After Yesterday
Going through what presents I received yesterday would be thoughtless and selfish of me considering the circumstances of the recession and what not, but I'm going to do it anyway. Actually, I'll go through what presents I gave first, you know, so I appear empathetic.
I purchased for my mom, a bottle of wine. Since I just turned 21, I thought I'd use Christmas as an opportunity to use this most fragile of privileges. It wasn't an ordinary bottle of wine too. It was fairly pricey. I asked the guy who worked there what was the most expensive bottle of Chardonnay he had. Then I asked him what the second most expensive bottle of Chardonnay he had. When I got to the 47th most expensive, I bought it. Because my mom deserves the best. A bottle of wine is really tough to wrap too. Normally, I couldn't wrap a box. So a bottle of wine would be infintely as hard. But I managed. Granted, I used an entire roll of paper and all the tape, it still was wrapped.
My sister is hard to shop for. I mean, really hard. She does like a lot of things. But when she likes something, she buys it. She has everything she wants. She's never like "I want this" or "I want that". When she wants something, she gets in her car, goes to the store, and buys it. So I had the job of buying her something that she didn't know she wanted. I probably walked around the mall for about two hours. Walked into every store. Even GNC. I thought about buying her Muscle Milk, but she has enough. When I stumbled into the store FYE, I found her present. In case you were wondering, FYE is like Best Buy if Best Buy didn't have what they advertised and unreasonably priced everything. Even gum at the counter. Anyway, I bought for her two DVDs. Both stand up comedy specials. I think she'll enjoy them, now that she knows that she wanted them all along.
What I got my dad, he is wearing right now. As I type. Right next to me. Sleeping on the couch. It's a Notre Dame hoodie. The kind Charlie Weis wears on the sidelines as he coaches a losing team. I think he likes it. I mean, everyone likes a big, comfy sweatshirt with a hood and a place to put your hands. Those things are awesome. I should have bought one for myself. It's one of the few presents that are fail-safe.
I'm happy with the gifts I gave. Usually it's a arduous ordeal. From Thanksgiving to Christmas Eve you fret about what your going to get. When you get it, you got to wrap it. And after you wrap it, you worry about whether they are going to like it. And its irrelevant if the present you gave ends up in the closet or the trash. It matters for that one moment. That moment when they unwrap it, that they're happy. A weight is lifted. They're satisfied. You're satisfied. Time to eat!
Merry Christmas
I wish I had an awesome Christmas story to share. But I don't. Every year, Christmas comes and goes. Nothing special happens. It seems that everyone but me has some variation of a story where a Uncle Rick gets hammered Christmas Day, tells a bunch of highly insulting jokes, sets the tree on fire, and takes a dump on the front lawn. Although I wish I had those types of stories to tell, I don't think it would make up for the years of therapy.
Since I don't have anything specific to share, I'll just go through some of my favorite Christmas things:
-Garfield Christmas Special: Back when cartoons were actually good and could whip up a Christmas Special like nothing.
Eggnog
My Favorite Thing: Snuggie
Every year, Oprah Winfrey has an episode of her show dedicated entirely to her "favorite things" (I'm a man, I'm 40, I can admit that). These are the shows where her entire audience has epileptic seizures upon hearing the news that they will receive a Breville Ikon Panini Press by Williams-Sonoma. Well, Oprah's list is composed of things she genuinely enjoys. Things that she uses, eats, or reads (among other things). I, on the other hand, have a similar set of things that I enjoy. But for an entirely different reason. To mock. To rip on, if you will. And recently, I came upon an advertisement for "The Snuggie". Enjoy...
After watching that ad, I came to one conclusion. That the only feasible utility for the Snuggie is if you want to look like a Cardinal. Other than that, I see nothing. They've developed a blanket type piece of cloth that has sleeves. That sounds eerily familiar. Oh yeah, it's a sweatshirt that goes down to your legs. What I love about it is that you can go to your son's soccer game and look like complete lunatics. I'm sure your son loves the fact that his parents are supporting him. But, I'm guessing he wishes his parents wore a fuckin' coat like normal people. And it comes with, a booklight. One worthless item comes with another worthless item. Who the hell needs a book light? If you're reading a book, do you really want to strain to see the words? Reading is supposed to be a relaxing activity. Turn a lamp on. And if your worried about the heating and electrical bills, maybe you shouldn't be curled up on the couch with a Snuggie and the latest Jackie Collins. I might purchase it, but only to burn it. That's a better way to keep warm.
- RT @bazecraze: Hey guys, if she was really into girls, she'd be telling a girl, not a guy.
- DiCaprio eats soup like me! Celebrities, they're just like us! http://t.co/PU8YT2fc
- RT @ChrisThayerSays: Oh, I get it now! Mister ”BELL-DING”...very clever.
- If you don't have stray cheerios in between the cushions of your couch, I don't trust your family.
- Hey Adam Levine, maybe she's not picking up because its 2012 and you're calling from a PAY PHONE.
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