Sean B. Fitzgerald It doesn’t go something like this, it goes exactly like this.

Mark Teixeira Live News Conference

Yawn. Just another day as a Yankee fan. Today, in about 31 minutes, the Yankees will be introducing their first baseman for the next eight years. Price tag: $180 million. Seems like a bargain. After New York acquired both Sabathia and Burnett via trade, I thought there was no way they could even attempt signing Teixeira. Both its official, the Yankees have no budget. Which I'm happy about. I enjoy watching my team win. Anyway, I'll be live blogging the news event because I have nothing else to do. My spring semester begins next Monday, so I have some time to kill. Let's do this.

1:00-Watching Michael Kay in HD is down right frightening. The man has one of the biggest noggin's in the business. No wonder he didn't ever play baseball. They didn't have a hat big enough.

1:02-Boras sighting. It's easy to spot him on the dais, he's the one choking a puppy.

1:05-They must keep Hank locked up during these press conferences. God knows what he would say if he got behind that podium. "Thank you Mark for being here, those Red Sox can suck my dick. Thank You."

1:09-The pressure is clearly on Girardi. Didn't make the playoffs last year. Three new high priced free agents. New York City. He must wear a diaper 24/7.

1:10-He's wearing number 25. You're telling me Giambi isn't coming back?! No!!!!

1:14-Mark looks good in pinstripes. Well, everyone looks good in pinstripes. Except Carl Pavano, Randy Johnson, Kevin Brown, Kei Igawa, and many others.

1:19-Ooo! Cashman gave Mark a mix tape. No wonder he signed with the Yanks.

1:22-Well that concludes the "formal" portion of the press conference. Now begins about 600 interviews for Teixeira. He just might earn that $180 million today.

1:27-For a major signing, this conference/interview is really boring. Maybe because I'm used to it. This is the second one of these this offseason. I guess the Yanks need to sign Pujols for me to be interested.

1:30-The answer to the question of where should Teixeira hit, it's fourth. No discussion. Arod needs as much protection as he can get. The way to offset a mental case is to put a stable player behind him. Lord knows Arod wants a player like Teixeira behind him. (double entendre intended)

1:33-Hal Steinbrenner is the most defensive owner in sports. He's like a little kid. "C'mon, we wanted Mark. He's really good and we have money. Shut up. He's really cool and awesome. Leave me alone."

1:38-Where the hell does Randy Levine vacation? The sun? The man is a shade of red found only on tomatoes.

1:42-Big fan of Leigh Teixeira. Cute, southern. And she could probably play first better than Giambi.

Alright that's enough. I don't want to hear about baseball until pitchers and catchers report. Until then it's NFL playoffs, college basketball, and maybe a little NBA. Who knows?