Sean B. Fitzgerald It doesn’t go something like this, it goes exactly like this.

Jersey Shore: Episode 4

I thought this was going to be our little secret. Something that you and I can discuss on our own. Without everyone else chiming in. I guess it wasn't meant to be. Now, everyone and their mother knows about the Jersey Shore. Thanks in part to the punch heard round the world as well as the 987 television appearances made by The Situation, Snooki, and Pauly D.

But it is what it is. The toothpaste is out of the tube. I can still make my tan jokes, hair gel jokes, lack of self-awareness jokes, and STD jokes. I'll just do it here from my small corner of the internet.

This week's episode is entitled "Fade To Black". I didn't think this show needed episode titles until I realized that there wouldn't be a proper way to distinguish the difference between episodes otherwise. "It was the one with the fight...no the one where The Situation hooked up with that girl....no, remember Snooki was dancing with no underwear...no that's a different one."

See? Titles are important.

Ronnie and Sammi Sweetheart are slowly becoming the most boring cast members in this show. They're like trying to have a real relationship and they like kind of care for each other. There is like depth to their personalities. It's off putting and quite frankly, I can do without it. Thanks to the two of them, the first twenty minutes of the episode was completely lacking in debauchery. This is not what I signed up for.

Thank God for The Situation and Pauly D. Both of whom bring back a lady to the house. After spending the requisite amount of time in the hot tub (which, at this point is probably growing hair), the boys decide to take these fair lasses back to the bedroom. Pauly D informs us that he is unable to have sex with his girl because she has her period (Lucky her!) and while The Situation is fumbling around for a condom, "Period Girl" says she needs to go home and puts a stop to the whole night.

The Situation and Pauly D: 0-2

Right now in the season, the JWoww and Ronnie/Sammi subplots are strictly filler. Does anyone really think JWoww's "relationship" with her boyfriend matters? She came into the house with a boyfriend and within the first ten hours, she had an eyeful of Pauly's D. Whether they're together or not is irrelevant and Pauly D knows it. The real show starts as soon as the brain trust of The Situation and Snooki L.L.C. come on screen.

Looks like Vinny is slowly becoming the Cousin Oliver of the Jersey Shore. We see him for little bit at the barber shop then again at the club, but right now, he's more of an extra.

Another night, another stop off at Karma, their Saturday night club. After a long night of dancing to house music and "beating up the beat", The Situation and Pauly D scour the club looking for a proper mate. They settle on four girls. Uh-oh! Controversy!

Initially, they bring back one set of girls to the house. Then, out of nowhere, the girls they invited previously decided to show up. Thinking that they had a better shot with the second set, The Situation and Pauly D kick out the first set. How orderly!

This is about the time in the show where the guilt came over all of us as we watched. Admit it! Because you see, The Situation and Pauly D explain to the world the intricacies of Man Law. More specifically, "The Grenade". As The Situation marked his territory (probably literally) on his girl, Pauly D was given the task of keeping her friend busy. That would be okay if it wasn't for the fact that both of them made a point of saying how unattractive she was.

Multiple times.

Oh God help her today. I mean, she did sign the waiver to not have her face blurred out. Maybe that wasn't the best decision.

Long story short, The Situation swings and misses with his girl.

The Situation and Pauly D: 0-6

Lost amid the noise and haste in this episode was the promise of Snooki getting punched in the face. And to be honest, it was a lot more nerve-wracking than I expected. Frat guys, shots being stolen, fingers being pointed, and then the punch. Granted, it was blocked out, but the retribution was swift. The culprit was in handcuffs in about five seconds and the rest will be sorted out next week. No jokes.

I'm spent.