Sean B. Fitzgerald It doesn’t go something like this, it goes exactly like this.

Jersey Shore: Episode 6

If you don't follow college football (and I don't blame you), last night the National Championship game was being played between the University of Alabama and the University of Texas in Pasadena, California. And the second half the game coincided with Episode 6 (Boardwalk Blowups) of the Jersey Shore. I had a tough decision to make.

Did I say tough? I meant easy. Jersey Shore all the way. This show has become appointment television for me. Like the moon landing or when The Beatles were on The Ed Sullivan Show, Jersey Shore is making television history. Twenty years from now, everyone will know where they were when Snooki was punched. I can't pass up any opportunity to watch history being made. And further more, unlike college football, Jersey Shore has a clear cut winner: Us.

Last week's episode ended with Vinny's taking home his boss's date. So naturally, he was a bit worried about potentially getting evicted from the house, fearing the boss's repercussions. But three minutes into the show, water under the bridge. Danny (the boss) was surprisingly cool with everything. Probably because it's Vinny and he's the most leveled headed one in the house. Had it been The Situation who had hooked up with his date, he'd be fist-pumping his way back to Staten Island before his tan wore off.

We also get to meet The Situation's sister, Melissa. Vinny, who hit it off with Melissa on the phone, is surprised as to how much she looks like The Situation. For me, the more surprising thing is that The Situation actually has a family. Up until last night's episode, I was fairly certain that he was manufactured by Ed Hardy from the parts of lesser guidos.

The Ronnie/Sammi storyline might as well be a commercial, because I could walk away from the television for those nine minutes, make a sandwich, get a drink, come back and the two of them will be exactly where they started. Last night, I didn't have the strength to walk away, so I was subject to arguably the dumbest fight in the history of tele...no...anything.

I'll give you the Reader's Digest version. Sammi called Ronnie "stumpy". Ronnie laughed it off and said Sammi had a "big Fred Flintstone toe". Sammi lose's it and the two proceeded to get into a fight. Crying, yelling, and name-calling ensue. Ronnie says he's had enough and goes back to the boardwalk to "creep". He walks about three feet towards to boardwalk, changes his mind, and comes crawling back to Sammi (*sound of a whip cracking*).

The annoying thing about writing recaps for these episodes is trying convey a picture of what exactly is going on in the show. And with Jersey Shore, there is SO much going on, that it is near impossible to explain everything in less than 10,000 words. If I attempted to summarize every aspect, my site would be shut down for exceeding bandwidth. This is why I fear analyzing the next few minutes from this episode. But I'll try...

If you recall from a previous installment, The Situation brought home two girls, one of which was labeled "The Grenade", forever tarnishing any chance she's called by her Christian name ever again. Anyway, the same two girls stop by the house again, this time with another "girl". Needless to say, The Situation is not pleased and wants Snooki to dismiss of the ones not worthy enough to fornicate with him. Snooki tries her best (with words!) to shimmy the two out of the house while leaving the third to her own devices.

And this is where words escape me. Obviously, the girls don't take kindly to being thrown out, especially by someone with the social skills of Snooki. So as you know, alcohol, unkind words, and ugliness are a recipe for a disaster.

Cue fight.

Slaps and punches are landed and the non-grenade is subsequently arrested.

Because of this fight, I'm certain that MTV intervenes when it looks like it will get out of hand. If you look closely to the skirmish, some guy appears out of nowhere to restrain the big girl:

That guy to the left? That's a producer. Don't try to convince me otherwise, my sister and I agree it is. Case closed.

It seems that the producers allowed each cast member to invite their family to the house once for the duration of the show. So far, The Situation brought his sister, Ronnie brought his family, Snooki brought her mom, and now Vinny brought his family. His entire family. Half of Sicily was at the Jersey Shore house. We find out that (Surprise!) Vinny has a stable family. It's no accident that Vinny makes better decisions than the rest of the cast. His mom actually cared enough to keep the paint chips out of his mouth when he was a baby.

In every Real World-type reality show, usually there are those locals who don't enjoy the fact that there are outsiders being taped while frequenting their bars, eating at their restaurants, and dating their women. That was exactly the case in last night's episode when a local decides to antagonize the cast while at the bar. It's obvious that they were used to it as they did their best as to ignore it. That is until the guy continues to go after Ronnie and Sammi. And Ronnie takes matters into his tiny little hands. Pummeling him into the boardwalk until he was a fine powder. And each girlfriend tries in vain to get the one off the other.

Put your back into it!

Fight ends. Ronnie blames Sammi for instigating it. They fight (without fists), then make up. See, it goes full circle and ends up where it started. No need to pay attention.

Until next Thursday...