Sean B. Fitzgerald It doesn’t go something like this, it goes exactly like this.

Chat Roulette

It's times like these that I thank God that my school issued me a laptop without a webcam. Why? Two words.

Chat. Roulette.

If you've never been to Chat Roulette stop reading immediately, turn off your computer, bury it, and never repeat those words in succession ever again. If you have been to Chat Roulette, you know exactly what I'm talking about.

Chat Roulette is a website that links together people randomly across the world via their webcams. As soon as you enter the site, you are matched up with some other person who is on the site looking to be matched up with someone. If you don't like what you see or hear, you can "NEXT" them by moving on to the next random person.

I needn't say this but there is plenty of things you don't want to see. The other night my friends and I decided to visit the site because, well because many reasons. Mainly because it's the winter, we are without ladyfolk at this point, and we're lame. Mostly lame. We all knew what to expect. Basically a lot of shut-ins, lonely girls, and people like us who like to make fun of them.

What I didn't expect (which I should have) was the sheer number of men "giving themselves a hand" while on Chat Roulette. A lot of things go through your head when faced with such a vigorous display of male self-gratification. Mainly, "What is tha...Oh my God, why?! Jesus Christ! NEXT! Quick!" But after calming down and assessing the situation, you begin to question the motives of these gentlemen. What exactly are they expecting? Do the women who get matched up with them randomly stop and watch for several minutes? I highly doubt it. But why else would they do it? It takes a lot of effort to position your camera in a way where you can show it off without revealing your identity. They wouldn't go to all the trouble unless something came of it (wrong choice of words. I'll move on).

To be fair, Chat Roulette isn't entirely detrimental to your eyes, soul, and faith in humanity. Some of the people are half way normal and are just bored, looking to talk to someone. Seems harmless enough. And although I bash the site, I know if I had a webcam, I would be on it a lot. Because it's a practice in vanity. Most of the time, people use the site to look for good-looking men and women. So if I were to stumble upon an attractive girl (or just any girl) and she doesn't immediately "NEXT" me, my esteem goes up just a little bit. Like everything on the internet these days, it's just another way to validate yourself. It's exactly what those stroke-happy guys are doing. A girl doesn't "NEXT" them right away, they think what they're doing is socially acceptable and maybe it's okay to do it on the bus.

My goal for the next five years is to be less connected with the rest of the world. I fear with the advent of Facebook and Twitter (which I use far too much), I'm doomed to be staring at a screen, both hands texting, and talking to two people simultaneously for the rest of my life. Chat Roulette is making it so we spend more time with people we don't know and who can't judge us, than be with people who genuinely care about us and can critique us with the best of intentions.

Whoa, this post got too deep. I started talking about masturbation and I ended waxing poetic about societal psychology. Anyway, if you need to shake yourself of all this intellectual stuff, head on over to Chat Roulette. You'll be having a deep discussion with a guy dressed up as a horse in no time.