Sean B. Fitzgerald It doesn’t go something like this, it goes exactly like this.

Pavlovian Conditioning

For about a month now I've been getting myself in shape. For serious this time. No messing around. In the past I've made a conscious decision to quit eating horrible things for me and get my ass on a treadmill. I would go to the gym for a few weeks, get really into it, and then negate everything I did by making love to a Chipwich. Those endeavors never lasted. I had no will power.

No this time. No sir. I realized that girls are not really into the guy who's stomach jiggles when he brushes his teeth or neck turns into a package of hot dogs when glancing to the left or right. Those characteristics may not have been indicative of what I look like, but with the way I eat and not exercise, I was definitely headed in that direction.

Anyway, I've been at this whole diet and workout routine for just about a month now. I've lost about 8-10 pounds and have lost inches off my waist. I'm leaner (not meaner), and actually have begin to show some definition in places where apparently there is supposed to be muscle (who knew?). Feels good. Real good. Girls are taking a second look, and not because I have jelly in the corner of my mouth.

I've been going to my local gym religiously for the past month. Running on the treadmill for upwards of forty minutes, crunches, curls, (insert generic workout maneuver), all of that stuff. And when I do I listen to my iPod, like every other human. On my iTunes I made a playlist of all the songs that get me sufficiently pumped up enough to continue working out and not saying "Screw this!" and walking over to Rockland Bakery and eat a whole baguette. There are about twenty-five songs that range from hip-hop, rock, alternative, and even some singer-songwriter type stuff (Gets me amped for some reason). When I'm on the treadmill, those songs keep me motivated and feel like I could lap Usain Bolt. "Heart of a Champion"? Hell yeah, Nelly! I am! Ain't no way they gonna stop us now! Five more! I'm on my way, I can feel my reign coming! When that song is playing, the treadmill doesn't have a setting that can match my intensity!

Now shift on over to when I hear any of those songs outside of the gym. Can't stand them. Makes me relate the feeling of being exhausted on the treadmill. If I hear any of them on the radio, I curse the heavens and immediately turn to AM. I hate being conditioned like a lowly animal. Can't I enjoy my songs all the time? Why must I submit to the basic psychological and physiological tendencies that every human does?

Eh, I guess I'll live. Frustrating though. I'll suffer through it, especially if the ladies continue to take more interest in this (references body).