Sean B. Fitzgerald It doesn’t go something like this, it goes exactly like this.

Fantasy Baseball Live Blog, among other things.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: I'm seriously slacking with these posts. A lot has been going on in my life. I have a job and a car and I have to pay bills. I mean, these are things that no one else has to deal with. So it's understandable that I haven't been updating this little old blog of mine as much.

That being said, this post will be enormous. I'll try to kill eight birds with one stone. I'll be live blogging my fantasy baseball draft which is set to begin in five minutes while at the same time discussing my night out, thoughts on food, love, and allergies. You know, the usual.

I won't time stamp each little tidbit because it's really annoying to constantly look down to the bottom right corner of the screen before every paragraph. My eyes just can't handle the strain. A dash (-) will suffice. Deal? Let's go.

-Let's see. I have the fifth pick. Eh. Obviously I would have loved to have the first pick. Mr. Pujols himself can carry a fantasy team just as well as he carries his own team.

-Pujols, Mauer, Ramirez, Rodriguez. I could have easily taken Utley, Kemp or Braun. But I decided on Evan Longoria. No fooling, he's going to be a super-stud. A fantasy juggernaut.

-I did little to no research in preparation for this draft. I'm essentially doing this blind. I know who's good and who's not, but I'm clueless on sleepers or reliable pitchers. This is going to be interesting.

-2nd round: Ian Kinsler. Full disclosure. I just made my first two picks from the comfort of my toilet. Hey, when nature calls, you have to answer. Even if it means placing the laptop on your bare legs as you taken care of business.

-3rd round: Zach Greinke. This draft is going a lot quicker than expected. It's nice when everyone actually shows up on the proper time. Too many times I've sat through 2 hour drafts just because a few guys decided to ignore their draft and not have the decency to put it on auto-pick. (This is clearly nerd talk)

-Remember that time when I said  I was never going to bars again? Well, I lied. But the sentiment still remains. With music that loud, how am I supposed to speak to girls? I'm not going to yell at them. Which is exactly what I end up doing when I'm at a bar. "WHAT'S YOUR NAME?!" "WHAT?!" "DO YOU GO TO SCHOOL?!!!" "THAT'S CRAZY!" And I can't dumb myself down enough for the vapid conversations that take place at these establishments. Look, I would love to get to know you, but telling me about your roommate makes me want to put myself in a sleeper hold.

-4th round: Jayson Werth. Solid fourth rounder in my opinion. Super reliable. Hits for power and steals a decent amount of bases.

-5th round: Johan Santana.

-6th round: Nick Markakis. Jesus, spring is here. Currently, I'm sitting at my dining room table with a pile of used tissues that's nearly covering my monitor. My nose is a leaky faucet. My lips are dry, my eyes itch and I'm sneezing every thirty seconds. All because a flower sprouted in my backyard. I wish it were winter. Just kidding.

-7th round: Carlos Pena.

-8th round: Adam Jones. I'm liking my team so far. A lot of power, speed, and a solid 1-2 punch. I have no catcher or relief pitchers yet. Those are late round pickups anyway. Got to stock the shed with some ammunition, yaknowwhatIsayin?

-9th round: Joakim Soria. Screw that philosophy. Soria is a relief stud. Low ERA and WHIP and converts saves, bottom line.

-10th round: Elvis Andrus. Ever go a whole day without eating? I wanted to try that today. Just liquids. I've been slacking big time on my diet. Last night I had a few Italian combo sandwiches. That's right, a few. And God are those delicious. Throw roasted sweet peppers on anything and I'll talk dirty to it.

-11th round: Rick Porcello. He went to Seton Hall Prep. I went to Seton Hall University. So I felt a connection.

-12th round: Russell Martin. Doesn't Martin look a lot like Russell from Survivor? And holy crap! They have the same name. Creepy. By the way, if you haven't been watching Survivor this season. Shame on you. It's The Sopranos and The Wire rolled into a honey wheat wrap and stuffed with roasted sweet peppers. It's that good.

-13th round: A.J. Burnett.

-Can you believe I went to bed before watching the best game of the tournament? And of course it was called by Gus Johnson. I'm literally kicking myself. I guess the highlights will have to do.

-14th round: Brad Hawpe. I can't bring the laptop back in the bathroom, can I? Once is ridiculous. Twice is...what? Flat out unacceptable, right? Screw it.

-Live from the bathroom here. I really shouldn't do this. Not because it's disgusting. But because of where I'm putting the laptop. It's super close to my no-no area. That can't be good. I know that technology has improved over the years, but I'm not 100% certain that I'm not microwaving my balls right now.

-15th round: Leo Nunez.

-16th round: Rafael Furcal. These are more or less the garbage rounds. But some would argue that these late round players can separate the men from the boys fantasy-wise. I disagree. Call me crazy, but I just don't think Jeff Niemann will decide this fantasy season.

-17th round: Mark Buerhle. Are there really six more rounds of this? Man. I got things to do today...kind of.

-18th round: James Loney.

-19th round: Michael Wuertz. I don't even know who this guy is. But he had a .95 WHIP and 102 K's last year. Good enough for me.

-Skip to the end.

-20th round: Todd Helton
-21st round: Justin Duchscherer
-22nd round: Jermaine Dye
-23rd round: Randy Winn.

Oh Thank God. It's over. That was far too long. An hour and a half. Now what usually happens is that I barely update it and I end up in dead last by the third week. Fantasy baseball is like homework.