Sean B. Fitzgerald It doesn’t go something like this, it goes exactly like this.

Me personally, I’d take my time

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WALL STREET JOURNAL-In case New Yorkers needed another way to compare Derek Jeter to Alex Rodriguez, we've found something new. When Mr. Jeter hits a home run, it takes him 20.19 seconds to round the bases, the second-fastest time among Yankees starters. Mr. Rodriguez needs 24.94 seconds, the slowest mark on the team.

To determine which Yankees are the slowest to circle the bases during their home-run trots, Take a Number clocked how long every 2009 home run took. The average for current Yankee starters with at least 10 home runs last year is 22.1 seconds—all of Mr. Rodriguez's home-run trots were slower than that.

The average home-run time in the majors is 21.89 seconds, according to Marquette University data coordinator Larry Granillo. As a team, the Yankees are the 12th-fastest, edging the Mets by two-tenths of a second.

Outfielder Curtis Granderson is the fastest Yankee at 18.81 seconds, but that's partly because many of his home runs barely leave the yard—he runs quickly because he doesn't know where the ball will end up.

Most of Mr. Rodriguez's home runs are sure things. Maybe that's why he pauses for a second to admire them.

First things first. Should The Wall Street Journal even have a "SPORTS" section? Last time I checked, there were no sports being played on Wall Street. Must be a slow news day I guess. Wait, no, there's actually a lot going on in the world of sports. NHL Playoffs, NBA Playoffs, NFL Draft analysis, World Cup storylines, impending NBA free agency, Tiger Woods, among thousands of other relatively important stories.

However, David Binderman felt the need to ignore those and stick to what matters: The average time it takes individual Yankees to round the bases following a home run. And what do the times prove? Nothing. It's meaningless information. It's meant to imply and insinuate. Jeter rounds the bases quicker than most Yankees because he's an all-go-no-quit kind of guy. Rodriguez takes a little longer to round the bases, ergo, he's an arrogant sack of shit.

He even gave us a handy-dandy chart:

How handy!

And even if A-rod takes 2 seconds longer to go from home to home, who cares? Does it have an effect on the outcome of the game? Do pitchers really resent waiting an extra few seconds? No, they're too busy cursing themselves for letting a meatball float towards the fat part of the plate.

I don't care if you're a major leaguer. Do you know how hard it is to hit a 90-MPH fastball 380 feet away from you? Please, if I was blessed with the ability to do so, I would moon-walk around the bases every time I did so. Screw the unwritten rules of the game. It's a game remember?

In fact, I would pull a "Hulk Hogan" each time I walked to the plate. Putting my hand to my ear egging on the cheers. My at-bat music would be "I Made It" (see previous post) and I would LOVE the attention. Too many players go to great lengths to avoid the appearance of having any fun. Stone face, rigid personality, business-like all the time. Dude, have some fun. You're being paid thousands of dollars per plate appearance to FAIL 70% of the time. Lighten up.