Sean B. Fitzgerald It doesn’t go something like this, it goes exactly like this.

Jersey Shore Season 2 Episode 1 Recap

I know I know. Look, I know. It's Monday. And the first episode of Season 2 of Jersey Shore was LAST Thursday. What the hell am I doing? My recap should've been up Friday at midnight, right? Right. I'm sorry. But it takes a long time to digest this show. Remember, like McDonalds, Jersey Shore isn't exactly good for you. But also like McDonalds, it's delicious.

Admittedly, I didn't watch this show as soon as it premiered on Thursday. I actually had more important things to do. But after twiddled my thumbs for two hours, I prebuffered Episode 1 on MTV.com as watched the horror beginning to end. And it was good. Very good.

I'm certain I have stated this before, but Jersey Shore is not meant to be reviewed sequentially. That's because each scene carries very little ahead from the previous one. In truth though, this season is different because we (the viewer) already have some sort of relationship with each "character". We know their back story, who they are, and what their goals are. That all being said, I'm still going to do my reviews in bullet format. Not only is it easier, I'm also able to formulate my thoughts more succinctly.

• Jesus, for 40 minutes of uncommercialized television, 10 of those minutes were them actually GETTING to Miami. Was there really not enough Ronnie drunk footage, or Angelina being awkward footage that they actually had to stretch out the parts where Pauly D and The Situation got stuck in the mud? They could have cut at least 8 of those minutes and we'd all be caught up. MTV, we know these people already, there's no need for catching up. I can't imagine anyone who is JUST started watching Jersey Shore. MTV should be catering to us, the die-hards. Those of us who know things about these people that we really shouldn't know. By the way, I learned recently that Snooki was born in Chile and adopted. I guess that solves the Nature vs. Nurture argument. Or does it?
• Quick question, difficult to answer. Will the readdition of Angelina make this season better or worse? Because personally, in terms of last season, it was addition by subtraction. She seemed like a wet blanket from day one and the show got infinitely more interesting as soon as she left. She's not fun at all. I get depressed just looking at her. Look Angelina, we already have one insufferable cast member (Sammi). The position's filled. Why don't you go back to Staten Island? Because if you're here, who's holding down the title of "Kim Kardashian of Staten Island"?
• From the looks of Episode 1, Ronnie will age about 10 years during his two month stay in Miami. Either that, or he won't make it out alive. He wasn't just drunk that first night, he was something more. Something beyond the pale. You know what I'm talking about. We all have a friend who just goes above and beyond the call of duty and tries to drink his weight in alcohol. They all eventually get that look in their eyes. And Ronnie had that look. The 100-yard stare. It's frightening to witness. I'm sure he had no idea who or where he was. It was Night of the Fist-Pumping Dead starring Ronnie (Insert Italian Last Name).
• Once again, Pauly D regains his title as "Coolest Cat in America". The guy is unflappable. Just takes everything in stride. That being said, he IS the resident senior in this group. Well, he and The Situation are the oldest. I'm fairly certain they're both in their mid to late thirties.

My favorite part of any first episode from a reality show is the "The Season on...". You basically get every single important moment from the remaining episodes compacted into 30 neat seconds. And this season looks good. Bunch of fights. Bunch of grenades. Bunch of bronzer. Sure it's the usual, but it's everything we've been waiting for.

I'll try to write up my reviews a tad earlier that usual. But here's a heads up, I'm headed to Italy on the 12th, so obviously I'll be missing two of the shows. I'll make sure to combine them as soon as I come back and release one huge recap. Don't worry.