Sean B. Fitzgerald It doesn’t go something like this, it goes exactly like this.

I need a new car

I knew this day would come. It was bound to happen. Four years with a car that had 60,000 miles on it when I first drove it. Today: 115,000. It's on its last legs.

The signs started to come over the past few months. Sign number one: A mysterious leak on the driveway. Sign number two: It wouldn't start as I was parked in the Clifton Police Department parking lot (Resolution: New starter). And sign number three: My transmission is going. When the transmission starts to go, that's usually when you know it's time to move on. To put 'Ol Betsy (taps hood) out to pasture.

She's been good to me (I'm assuming my car is a female). I've driven her all over. New York, New Jersey, and so on and so forth. She's a 2003 Ford Taurus (be jealous).

ED NOTE: I'm done referring to my car as a "she". I did it initially for comedic purposes. The novelty has run its course.

The car was at first, my dad's. He used it for work and when he received his new car, he bought the Taurus and handed the keys over to me. I remember that first day vividly. Because not only was it the first day I had my own car, it was the day of my first speeding ticket.

I was literally a half mile from my house when I saw the flashing red and blue lights in my rear view mirror. Apparently I was going 48 in a 30 mile per hour zone. That's debatable. It was clearly a speed trap and the cop was parked conveniently at the bottom of a hill picking off would-be violators. I just happened to be one of them. A 17-year old senior in high school who was adjusting the driver's seat for the first time in his car as he was pulled over. Crappy day. I'd also like to say that was last time I was pulled over for speeding. But it has happened once more. Fortunately, it was in a company commercial vehicle. Something my current employer has no idea of. Good thing no one reads this.

Anyway, I need a new car. Now. Like, yesterday. With the transmission going, the Taurus is jerking around like a guy with Tourettes. So, the sooner I get a new car, the better.

And it's not like I just NEED a new car, I kind of WANT one. Having anything new is usually awesome. And having a new car would be more awesome. I just don't want to go through the tedious, time-consuming efforts into buying a new car. And the money. Oh boy! I hate spending money. Just ask my girlfriend. Wait, don't! She out of town.

I'll try my best to haggle with the dealer in order to some how lower the price or find a seemingly easier way to pay for the damn thing. But I know I'll end of paying the same amount I would have regardless of whether I haggled or not. Leasing, buying, financing, it's all the same way for them to take your money away from you and into their pocket.

And the details are going to be killer. How many cylinders? Front wheel drive? All-wheel drive? AC? SUV? Sedan? Compact? Truck? Pick-up? Color? Red? Blue? Black? White? Silver? Green? Remote start? Leather interior?

I just want a car that starts when I want it to. And has AC/heat. And I wouldn't mind the remote start feature. That sounds heavenly. Not having to bolt outside in your pajamas to start your car to heat it up in the middle of January would be, in my opinion, a priceless feature. I may pay double for the car in order to have the remote start if that's what it takes. No, seriously.

But we'll see what happens. I guarantee I'll have a new car within the month because I'll be surprised if the Taurus makes it that far. She (I might "it") has served its purpose.