Sean B. Fitzgerald It doesn’t go something like this, it goes exactly like this.

27Apr/100

Me personally, I’d take my time

Take a second to read this...

WALL STREET JOURNAL-In case New Yorkers needed another way to compare Derek Jeter to Alex Rodriguez, we've found something new. When Mr. Jeter hits a home run, it takes him 20.19 seconds to round the bases, the second-fastest time among Yankees starters. Mr. Rodriguez needs 24.94 seconds, the slowest mark on the team.

To determine which Yankees are the slowest to circle the bases during their home-run trots, Take a Number clocked how long every 2009 home run took. The average for current Yankee starters with at least 10 home runs last year is 22.1 seconds—all of Mr. Rodriguez's home-run trots were slower than that.

The average home-run time in the majors is 21.89 seconds, according to Marquette University data coordinator Larry Granillo. As a team, the Yankees are the 12th-fastest, edging the Mets by two-tenths of a second.

Outfielder Curtis Granderson is the fastest Yankee at 18.81 seconds, but that's partly because many of his home runs barely leave the yard—he runs quickly because he doesn't know where the ball will end up.

Most of Mr. Rodriguez's home runs are sure things. Maybe that's why he pauses for a second to admire them.

First things first. Should The Wall Street Journal even have a "SPORTS" section? Last time I checked, there were no sports being played on Wall Street. Must be a slow news day I guess. Wait, no, there's actually a lot going on in the world of sports. NHL Playoffs, NBA Playoffs, NFL Draft analysis, World Cup storylines, impending NBA free agency, Tiger Woods, among thousands of other relatively important stories.

However, David Binderman felt the need to ignore those and stick to what matters: The average time it takes individual Yankees to round the bases following a home run. And what do the times prove? Nothing. It's meaningless information. It's meant to imply and insinuate. Jeter rounds the bases quicker than most Yankees because he's an all-go-no-quit kind of guy. Rodriguez takes a little longer to round the bases, ergo, he's an arrogant sack of shit.

He even gave us a handy-dandy chart:

How handy!

And even if A-rod takes 2 seconds longer to go from home to home, who cares? Does it have an effect on the outcome of the game? Do pitchers really resent waiting an extra few seconds? No, they're too busy cursing themselves for letting a meatball float towards the fat part of the plate.

I don't care if you're a major leaguer. Do you know how hard it is to hit a 90-MPH fastball 380 feet away from you? Please, if I was blessed with the ability to do so, I would moon-walk around the bases every time I did so. Screw the unwritten rules of the game. It's a game remember?

In fact, I would pull a "Hulk Hogan" each time I walked to the plate. Putting my hand to my ear egging on the cheers. My at-bat music would be "I Made It" (see previous post) and I would LOVE the attention. Too many players go to great lengths to avoid the appearance of having any fun. Stone face, rigid personality, business-like all the time. Dude, have some fun. You're being paid thousands of dollars per plate appearance to FAIL 70% of the time. Lighten up.

20Apr/101

12 games in…

This sucks. For the last 25 minutes I've wracked my brain trying to find something I should be worried about with the Yankees.

Nothing.

Well, that's not necessarily true. There are a few things. But it's nothing that cannot be worked on throughout the course on the season.

For example: Javier Vasquez. When the Yankees made the trade for Vazquez, I felt like I was the only one who backed it. I heard a lot of "But Melky was super-clutch for us" and "Do you remember what Javy did for us back in '04?" Yes, I remember. But if you also remember, he was asked to carry a heavier burden into that year. With the likes of an always hurt Kevin Brown, Jon "Who?" Lieber, Mike Mussina, and Lord-knows-their-real-ages Orlando Hernandez and Jose Contreras, obviously a lot was put on Vazquez.

And who really cares about the grand slam he gave up against Johnny Damon in Game 7 of the ALCS? The Yankees were down 2-0 and Brown loaded the bases before Vazquez eve got a chance to throw one pitch. New York was destined to lose that game. Javy just happened to become the scapegoat.

He's their fourth starter now. A guy who's going to get matched up against the Tim Wakefields, Scott Bakers, and Scott Kazmirs of the world. He can afford to make mistakes. And he won't make many. Granted, the National League is far inferior to the American League, but leading the league in strikeouts was no mistake. The man misses bats. His 0-2 start is merely a detoxification of his exodus from the National League. It's about him readapting to the AL. Which he will. I'm not worried. You shouldn't be either.

Worry No. 2: Mark Teixeira. 44 at-bats in: .114 AVG, .291 OBP, .205 SLG. Yikes. Big yikes. The man has 9 total bases. 9! Even Brett Gardner has 10. Sure he's bad right now. But this is eerily similar to last year. And the year before. And the year before. He's just a slow starter. Maybe he doesn't like the cool weather. Maybe he needs to get his reps in. Or maybe his steroid cycle doesn't kick in until mid-May (kidding). But who knows. I'm pretty sure by the end of the season, his numbers will be close if not better than his yearly averages.

This 9-3 start has been nice. I'd be surprised if they keep up this pace for long. Having 3 of your pitchers with sub-3.00 ERA's doesn't normally last. Having 5 everyday players with .400+ OBP doesn't normally last.

I'll be sure to panic as soon as they lose two in a row.

6Nov/090

Thoughts on the 2009 World Series/2010 Season

-Finally, I can enjoy my winter for the first time since 2000. I usually rate years of my life based on how the Yankees did. So, for me, 2009 will forever be known as "a good year".

-Sure I'm spoiled. I turn 22 on the 30th and have been lucky to experience five World Series championships. But don't assume that I have appreciated them any less. I'll never take them for granted. If I live to be a 100 and never watch the Yankees win another championship, I'll always have these five.

-It's going to be really interesting how the Yankees approach the whole resigning of Johnny Damon and Hideki Matsui. There are so many questions that need to be addressed. Do they want to stay in New York? How many years are they looking for? Does Matsui want to play left field? Do the Yankees want to employ a full-time DH? Aren't they looking to get younger? Obviously, all of these concerns will be ironed out over the next few months.

-The game was fun last night, but what was probably even more fun was watching the agents of Damon and Matsui as the night progressed. I'm sure after every Matsui RBI-hit, his agent was lighting cigars with 8,000,000 yen and yelling the Japanese equivalent of "Cha-Ching!" The same could be said for Damon's agent. That is until the third inning when Damon pulled his calf while scoring on Hideki's hit. My guess is general managers aren't necessarily salivating  over Damon's impending free agency. "OOOOOO, an aging left-fielder with no arm and a penchant for straining vital muscles!" Don't get me wrong though, I want Damon back. He was too valuable to THIS team. Which brings me to my next point:

-Damon's at-bat in the ninth inning of Game 4 will forever be known as "the most unheralded important at-bat in World Series history". Two outs and no one on base. In the previous inning, Joba Chamberlain surrendered a game-tying home run off the bat of Pedro Feliz. The series had shifted in the Phillies favor. If Lidge gets out of the ninth, there's a very good chance Philadelphia wins it in the bottom of the ninth and the series is tied 2-2. But up steps Johnny Damon. After looking silly swinging at two sliders in the dirt, Damon fouls off pitch after pitch until Lidge leaves a fastball up. Johnny knocks it into left and passes the proverbial baton to Teixeira. Surprisingly, Damon takes off for second. Since the Phillies had the shift on for Teixeira, no one was covering third. Knowing this, Johnny sprints towards third and makes it. Cue Teixeira hit-by-pitch and Arod double. Game, Blouses. Yankees take a commanding 3-1 series lead. That's why I want him back (for the right length and price).

-I'll say this once, if the Yankees don't put Joba Chamberlain in the bullpen next season, I'll lose it. Whatever "IT" is, I'll lose it. This post-season was clearly a glaring reason why they should do so. And if they didn't see it, they're either blind, stubborn, insane, or epically stupid. Both his velocity and location improved. Plus his slider was actually sliding, which it wasn't during the season. The man was born to relieve. He doesn't have the intelligence nor the attention span to start.

-Since the Yankees WILL be doing the above, this means its a perfect opportunity for Phil Hughes to start. Look, I lovedwhat he did for us in the bullpen this season. It was terrific. But unlike Joba, his pitching repertoire and overall mental makeup screams "STARTING PITCHER!!!!". He's calm, cool, calculated and smart. Once again, unlike Joba.

-Can we officially call the period between 2001 and 2008, "The Curse of Mike Mussina". Mussina arrived in New York in 2001, a year after they had won their third straight World Series championship. And retired in 2008, a year before they won their 27th world title. Bad luck? Coincidence? Was he as much of a douche as everyone said he was? I'll put my money on the latter. He was a terrific pitcher and a great Yankee, but from what I heard, he was a word that starts with a "pr" and ends with a "ick". And I'm sure his "winning personality" had some effect on team chemistry.

-Throwing aside blatant homerism, I think we can all agree that Mariano Rivera is not human. On his Baseball Reference page it says he turns 40 on November 29th. Does that mean anything really? Really? Every time he strikes out a batter, I'm reminded of a C.S. Lewis quote:

"I find in myself desires which nothing in this earth can satisfy, the only logical explanation is that I was made for another world"

5Nov/090

Relief and Elation

arod

31Oct/090

Half Centaur

New York Post-A-Rod -- half man, half horse's behind. The Yankees slugger is reportedly such an egomaniac that he placed paintings of himself depicted as a centaur -- a mythical creature who is half-man, half-horse -- over his bed, an ex-girlfriend said. "He was so vain," the unidentified A-Rod lover told Us Weekly. "He had not one but two painted portraits of himself as a centaur."

Now? Really, now? C'mon anonymous ex-girlfriend. You couldn't have picked a better time to let this nugget out? As a Yankee fan, I'm trying to ignore the fact that Arod would rather have a threesome with his hand and a mirror than his girlfriend. For me, until the end of this World Series, he's a normal human being whose only focus is on winning. But this centaur story only reminds us of how "WTF" Rodriguez is.

If the Phillie fans don't use this knowledge to their advantage tonight, I will be greatly disappointed.

10Aug/090

I’m starting to embrace the “Dog Days”

What a weekend, huh? I mean, for me, as a Yankee fan. Your weekend could've been terrible. But mine was great. And by "great" I mean, the Yankees won. They won baseball games. All of them. And more importantly, they won them against the Red Sox. Thereby lengthening their division lead over Boston to 6.5 games.

It's funny how your overall mood changes based on how your favorite team is performing. If the Yankees are struggling, I am suddenly snarky and critical, everything I eat tastes bad, and one little inconvenience can set me off for the day. Not this weekend though. It could've been raining acid and fire I would have had an upbeat attitude. Yankee wins cures all ills. Especially in the manner they did it over the past four days.

Forget the fact that they were playing the Red Sox. These wins would have been considered epic if they played the Long Island Ducks. Having the wins be against Boston was just icing on the proverbial cake.

Coming into Thursday, the Yankees were 0-8 against the Red Sox for the season. A stat that has been shoved down the throats of Yankee fans since the last time the two teams met. But the Yankees changed for the better since then. They have a relatively healthy Alex Rodriguez, Mark Teixeira decided to start earning his paycheck, and Phil Hughes has become Goose Gossage circa 1977.

The series was a perfect storm for the Yankees. And they took advantage. The Red Sox were (and still are) seriously depleted. Jason Bay was out of the lineup for the first two games of the series with a hamstring injury. Big Papi, who was careless and took some supplements and blah blah blah, has been a shell of a shell of his former self. It's almost comical how much he has fallen off. There were pitches thrown to him this weekend, that if they were thrown to him in 2004, they would've landed on the Deegan. 2009, not so much. It looked like he was swinging a 20 pound bat and his arms were made of jello. Final box score from this weekend: 1 for 14, 2 BBs, 3 Ks, and millions of broken hearts.

You can really fault the Sox pitching for their humilation. Other than Smoltz (whom they designated for assignment), Beckett, Lester and even Buchholz held their own. In fact, the Yankees couldn't touch Beckett or Lester. So say what you will about Boston right now, but if they some how find a way into the playoffs, you can punch their ticket to the second round. Because no one is beating them in a short series (maybe the Tigers).

Since the beginning of the season, I've bemoaned the fact that the new stadium is dead. When I went there it felt cold and sterile. And don't even get me started on the $1,250 seats. Not to mention how half of the seats are empty, but the fans who are there couldn't be bothered. When they're not ordering food, they're either text messaging from their Blackberries or waving to the camera. WATCH THE GAME! YOU DIDN'T PAY (I'm assuming) A THOUSAND DOLLARS TO TEXT! Anyway, for obvious reasons, the fans were more into this series. It seemed like the old stadium for once. After Texieira's go-ahead home run in the eighth last night, the stadium was rocking like it's predecessor. Even the fancy seat jerks took time between texts to give a polite golf clap.

Right now, everyone is feeling good. With their rotation, bullpen, and lineup, the Yankees can coast into the playoffs. Which is something I am already nervous for. Since 2004, I can't seem to trust this team. No matter how many clutch hits they get, walk-offs by A-Rod, and shutdown performances by Sabathia, I'll always be nervous for the playoffs. In 2007, the Yankees went 6-0 against the Indians during the regular season. Playoffs come around, eliminated in five games. Essentially nothing matters what happens during the season once October hits. Nothing. I can only hope this good karma carries over to the next three months.

19May/092

Alex Rodriguez and Kate Hudson caught making out! Scandalous!

At least its better then Madonna. I bet he's just using her to get to Goldie Hawn.

17May/090

Yep, I went to the game

Three straight walk-offs. 20-17. Red Sox lost. It's time to watch Game 7.

I'll be back...

11May/090

John Sterling: The Highest, Farest, Gone’est Announcer Ever!

Survey a hundred New York Yankees fans: What do you think of John Sterling? Odds are, there will be fifty positive responses and fifty negative responses. The "Legendary Voice of the Yankees" (Sorry Michael Kay) has been calling games since 1989. And in that time, he has been the personification of hyperbole and exaggeration. Ironically, such qualities have split the New York Yankees supporters into those who love him and those who can't stand him. There are actually those who enjoy his self-serving, over-the-top homerun calls. They think that it is campy and cute. Maybe they are, but somewhere a line needs to be drawn. There are times when a ball is well hit into the outfield and there is a need for the play to be described and analyzed. However, he has already gone into "Homerun Voice Mode". So while the ball is bouncing in the corner and runners are rounding the bases, Sterling is describing a majestic drive off the bat of whoever. He is too preoccupied with getting his "call" in, that he sacrifices actually doing his job. I would excuse his behavior if his "calls" were interesting and worth the effort. But if you were ever to listen to a game where a Yankee hit a homerun, you would think Sterling had five year-old writers.

The simplicity of the late Harry Kalas' home run call, "Outta here", is what made him great. Sterling, on the other hand, in addition to "It is high! It is far! It is gone!" adds a unique different call for each player hitting the homerun. They are so cring-worthy, that the sound of Suzyn Waldman's voice would be welcome over it. Let's go through them, shall we?


Melky Cabrera: "The Melkman delivers!" "It's the Melky Way" "The Melkman always knocks twice"
(Ed Note: That third one doesn't even make sense.)

Robinson Cano: "Cano! Don't you know?" "Cano can do!" "A Ribbie for Robbie!"
(Ed Note: With a name like Cano, I'm sure there are an infinite amount of others.)

Johnny Damon: "Positively Damonic!" "Johnny's on the spot!" "It's a Johnny's Rocket!"
(Ed Note: "Johnny" provides too much for him. It's time he be referred to as "John Damon".)

Derek Jeter: "El Capitan!" "A Jeterian swing!" "A Jeter Jolt!" "Oh Captain, My Captain!"
(Ed Note: His Jeter calls are done with his pants around his ankles.)

Hideki Matsui: "A Thrilla by Godzilla!" "An Upper-Decki by Hideki!"
(Ed Note: I see what he did there.)

Xavier Nady: "X marks the spot!"
(Ed Note: Looks like this one will be put away for a while.)

Jorge Posada: "Jorgie juiced one!" "Jorgie jacks one!"
(Ed Note: I guess he thought "juiced" implied too much.)

Alex Rodriguez: "An A-Bomb from A-Rod!" "Alexander the Great Conquers Again!"
(Ed Note: He pulled out the second one during Rodriguez's 54 homerun year. "A-Bomb" was running dry.)

Nick Swisher: "Jolly 'Ol St. Nick!" "Nick at Night!"
(Ed Note: Google was obviously used for these ones.)

Jose Molina: "Jose, can you see that?!"
(Ed Note: Thought of seven minutes before the first pitch)

And the best...

Mark Teixeira: "A Tex Message!" "You're on the Mark, Teixeira!"
(Ed Note: No response)

8May/090

Welcome back you freak.

Tonight in Baltimore, the New York Yankees will welcome back their "star" slugger Alex Rodriguez to the lineup. Ironically, with a 14-16 record and 5.5 games back of the Toronto Blue Jays, the Yankees need Rodriguez more than ever. At this point with the rotation, bullpen, and lineup struggling mightily, New York will put up with the bad publicity magnet that is Arod, if it means he socks a few dingers. And I am sure the rest of the Yankees Universe feels the same way. We will put up with the Madonna-loving, steroid-taking, pitch-tipping, bitch-titting mental midget, if he hits with runner's in scoring position. Also, with Rodriguez in the lineup, it will take some pressure off Mark Teixeira. Who, it's look like, has just as fragile a psyche as Arod. He can barely handle the smattering of boo's from a half-empty Yankee Stadium, imagine if he were back at the old park. He would be taken off the field in a straitjacket muttering, "All boo's and no hits make Marky a dull boy".

Who'd a thunk it? Arod a potential savior? Well, we'll see.