Sean B. Fitzgerald It doesn’t go something like this, it goes exactly like this.

Figures

Where is the one place everyone ends up after a long night of drinking (or driving around)? The diner. Even if we don't want to. Ever since I started going out with my friends late, I have never began the night with the intention of ending it face down in a side dish of cole slaw. But for the better portion of my weekends over the past few years, I have seen myself ordering a turkey club on rye at 2 o'clock in the morning. And I believe we all do it. You know why? Because the diner is packed at 2am, every weekend. No one WANTS to end up there. Eating late is bad for you and after a long night of consuming large amounts of alcohol, it should be the last thing anyone does. We do it for many reasons:

1. We're hungry. You have probably spent the last 5 to 7 hours getting ready, talking to your friends, hitting on girls/guys, drinking, and generally just shooting the breeze. In those hours, food was not consumed. The body can only do so much, for so long without fuel. It's time to eat. Also, if you are one of those ravers with the glow sticks and pacifiers who party until dawn, it's time for breakfast. Then it's perfectly reasonable to order a short stack.

2. We don't want the night to end. The bar just had its last call, where is there a place that's still open? The diner! No one wants to go home so early. The night is young, my friends. Plus, if the diner has a liquor license like most do, it can be a place to replenish you buzz. This place is a triple-threat!

3. It's somewhere to recap the night. A lot of stuff may have happened. "He said what to her?" "The bouncer kicked who out?" It's a good place to recount the night's comings and goings while in a semi-conscious state. Besides, chances are you'll forget most of what happened if you tried to remember it the next day.

There is one constant gripe I have with diners and that is this: Anyone walking in the door after midnight is more often than not, inebriated. Usually, the hostess will sit you down and hand you a giant menu. After about 17 seconds, they ask you what you would like to order. Please, give us more time! I can barely see straight, you gave me a menu the size of an atlas, and you expect me to know my decision before my butt sinks into the cushion. I need at least ten minutes to gaze into the pictures of the burgers until the drool coming out of my mouth does the talking for me.

MLB Attendance Study (Day 5):

Pittsburgh Pirates at San Diego Padres (Petco Park)
Attendance: 25,601

Tampa Bay Rays at Oakland Athletics (McAfee Coliseum)
Attendance: 20,140

San Francisco Giants at Arizona Diamondbacks (Chase Field)
Attendance: 27,865

Seattle Mariners at Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim (Angel Stadium)
Attendance: 43,083

Los Angeles Dodgers at Colorado Rockies (Coors Field)
Attendance: 36,151

Toronto Blue Jays at Chicago White Sox (U.S. Cellular Field)
Attendance: 27,103

Chicago Cubs at St. Louis Cardinals (Busch Stadium)
Attendance: 45,812

Detroit Tigers at Kansas City Royals (Kauffman Stadium)
Attendance: 36,363

Milwaukee Brewers at Houston Astros (Minute Maid Park)
Attendance: 25,316

Philadelphia Phillies at Florida Marlins (Dolphin Stadium)
Attendance: 29,032

New York Yankees at Boston Red Sox (Fenway Park)
Attendance: 38,163

Washington Nationals at New York Mets (Citi Field)
Attendance: 40,522

Minnesota Twins at Cleveland Indians (Progressive Field)
Attendance: 20,215

Atlanta Braves at Cincinnati Reds (Great American Ballpark)
Attendance: 30,060

Texas Rangers at Baltimore Orioles (Oriole Park at Camden Yards)
Attendance: 24,319

Average: 31,316.33