Sean B. Fitzgerald It doesn’t go something like this, it goes exactly like this.

John Sterling: The Highest, Farest, Gone’est Announcer Ever!

Survey a hundred New York Yankees fans: What do you think of John Sterling? Odds are, there will be fifty positive responses and fifty negative responses. The "Legendary Voice of the Yankees" (Sorry Michael Kay) has been calling games since 1989. And in that time, he has been the personification of hyperbole and exaggeration. Ironically, such qualities have split the New York Yankees supporters into those who love him and those who can't stand him. There are actually those who enjoy his self-serving, over-the-top homerun calls. They think that it is campy and cute. Maybe they are, but somewhere a line needs to be drawn. There are times when a ball is well hit into the outfield and there is a need for the play to be described and analyzed. However, he has already gone into "Homerun Voice Mode". So while the ball is bouncing in the corner and runners are rounding the bases, Sterling is describing a majestic drive off the bat of whoever. He is too preoccupied with getting his "call" in, that he sacrifices actually doing his job. I would excuse his behavior if his "calls" were interesting and worth the effort. But if you were ever to listen to a game where a Yankee hit a homerun, you would think Sterling had five year-old writers.

The simplicity of the late Harry Kalas' home run call, "Outta here", is what made him great. Sterling, on the other hand, in addition to "It is high! It is far! It is gone!" adds a unique different call for each player hitting the homerun. They are so cring-worthy, that the sound of Suzyn Waldman's voice would be welcome over it. Let's go through them, shall we?

Melky Cabrera: "The Melkman delivers!" "It's the Melky Way" "The Melkman always knocks twice"
(Ed Note: That third one doesn't even make sense.)

Robinson Cano: "Cano! Don't you know?" "Cano can do!" "A Ribbie for Robbie!"
(Ed Note: With a name like Cano, I'm sure there are an infinite amount of others.)

Johnny Damon: "Positively Damonic!" "Johnny's on the spot!" "It's a Johnny's Rocket!"
(Ed Note: "Johnny" provides too much for him. It's time he be referred to as "John Damon".)

Derek Jeter: "El Capitan!" "A Jeterian swing!" "A Jeter Jolt!" "Oh Captain, My Captain!"
(Ed Note: His Jeter calls are done with his pants around his ankles.)

Hideki Matsui: "A Thrilla by Godzilla!" "An Upper-Decki by Hideki!"
(Ed Note: I see what he did there.)

Xavier Nady: "X marks the spot!"
(Ed Note: Looks like this one will be put away for a while.)

Jorge Posada: "Jorgie juiced one!" "Jorgie jacks one!"
(Ed Note: I guess he thought "juiced" implied too much.)

Alex Rodriguez: "An A-Bomb from A-Rod!" "Alexander the Great Conquers Again!"
(Ed Note: He pulled out the second one during Rodriguez's 54 homerun year. "A-Bomb" was running dry.)

Nick Swisher: "Jolly 'Ol St. Nick!" "Nick at Night!"
(Ed Note: Google was obviously used for these ones.)

Jose Molina: "Jose, can you see that?!"
(Ed Note: Thought of seven minutes before the first pitch)

And the best...

Mark Teixeira: "A Tex Message!" "You're on the Mark, Teixeira!"
(Ed Note: No response)