Sean B. Fitzgerald It doesn’t go something like this, it goes exactly like this.

My Super Duper Crazy Long 2009 Baseball Season Preview Part 1 (Japanese Syntax)

Okay, right now it is April 1st, 2009 and according to my Verizon Fios television guide, there will be no baseball games today. Really? Is this some elaborate April Fool's Day joke? Who's bright idea was this? Apparently, because of the World Baseball "Classic" (literally using air quotes), the season openers will be pushed back until April 6th. Nice. Now I have five more days to watch more NBA and NHL games which are largely meaningless right now because half of the leagues get in the playoffs. Not to mention that some pregnant women's gestation period's last shorter than the playoffs in the NBA or NHL. So to amuse myself until then, I will be elbow deep in baseball previews, stats, fantasy projections, and player profiles. Here's my take on those loveable 16 teams that make up the National League:

San Diego Padres
If you're a Padres fan and would like to lose sleep for the next few nights, take a look at their Opening Day lineup. It truly is the stuff of nightmares. Although Adrian Gonzalez and Kevin Kouzmanoff will provide some respectability to San Diego's offense, the other seven positions barely have a pulse. Names like Jody Gerut, Chase Headley, Nick Hundley, and Luis Rodriguez are ones that exactly strike the fear of God into opposing pitchers. Attention David Eckstein Fans: He will now be manning second base for the Padres in 2009. Finally, his position will match his arm. In terms of the rotation, there is a chance of success only if health isn't an issue. San Diego had a tough time dealing Jake Peavy to a proper suitor in the offseason, but since a deal even now is not out of the question, he will play well in an attempt to catch the eye of some teams. And with bullpen staple Trevor Hoffman now on the Brewers, Heath Bell and his 1.21 WHIP will be closing games (if it ever gets to that point) for the Padres. Wins: 65

Colorado Rockies
If every team has a weakness, the Colorado Rockies' weakness is starting pitching. Their "ace" Aaron Cook posted a 16-9 record with a 3.96 ERA and an average 1.34 WHIP in 2009. A player who could essentially decide the fate of this team based solely on his performance is Ubaldo Jimenez. Usually when talking heads use the word "stuff" when describing a pitcher's repetoire, I tune off immediately. However, when discussing Ubaldo Jimenez, the only word is "stuff". In 2008, he posted the highest average fastball among major league starters at 94.9 MPH. He throws a two-seam fastball, slider, change-up, and curveball all with terrific movement. The problem is, as with most young talent is control. So pay attention to Wednesday, April 8th when he makes his first start of the season. If he is to perform well this season, I really like the Rockies to be competitive again in the NL West. With an offense that is bringing back Todd Helton, Brad Hawpe, Garrett Atkins, and rising stud catcher Chris Iannetta, they'll be able to stay in every game (especially at home). Let's not forget the addition of Huston Street to their bullpen who wil fill the gap left by Brian Fuentes. Wins: 80

San Francisco Giants
Two reasons I like the Giants to be competitive in 2009: Their starting pitching and the fact that Bengie Molina drove in 95 runs last year. I can not believe it! You learn something new every day. This season, every single one of Molina's runs batted in will be paramount to San Francisco's offense. Today, I tried arguing for a salary cap in baseball. I made statements like, "It would increase the parity of the game and provide a more level playing field for the fans to enjoy". Then I look at the Giants projected Opening Day lineup and think, "No it wouldn't". Some teams still will make AWFUL decisions and give terrible contracts to bad or unworthy players. Aaron Rowand, Edgar Renteria, and Barry Zito all make perfect examples. And what do you know? They all play for the Giants! But putting that aside, San Francisco still has the reigning NL Cy Young Award Winner (Tim Lincecum), a Hall of Fame veteran (Randy Johnson), a potential stud pitcher (Matt Cain, and cough Barry Zito. Don't count them out. Wins: 81

Arizona Diamondbacks
I am saying (or typing) it right now: the 2009 Arizona Diamondbacks will win the NL West. Whether it be the lineup, the rotation, or the bullpen, they are stacked with potential and bonafide talent. Remember how last year when Arizona traded for Dan Haren and everyone thought they would have the best pitching staff in the national league?Well this year they will be even better. You can pencil in Webb and Haren in for at least 15 wins a piece. And with the acquisition of Jon Garland and Max Scherzer having a full year under his belt, there are only two words: Look. Out. In my opinion, their pitching success is a foregone conclusion. It's their offense that has me a little worried. At every position they have a young, potential all star. It's about time that it all came together. Although the entire lineup is prone to the strikeout (1,287 times in 2008, 2nd most in the majors), when they do make contact, the result is runs on the board. And in case you were wondering, the answer is yes, there is a Tribute to Augie Ojeda on YouTube. Wins: 92

Los Angeles Dodgers
Did you hear? Manny Ramirez is on the Dodgers. I know, I know. Crazy. But interestingly enough, there are 24 other players on Los Angeles. They are rarely spoken about, but they do exist. Players like Russell Martin, Andre Ethier, Matt Kemp and Rafael Furcal are all rather talented and could possibly lead the Dodgers to a National League Pennent. Something they couldn't do in 2008. But, such is the recipe in the majors, pitching wins championships. And the Dodgers are not exactly stacked with pitching. My belief is, in order for Los Angeles to get over the hump this season, Clayton Kershaw needs to reach ceiling that scouts claim he has. Of course, all Dodger-success could be rendered moot when Manny decides that he wants to play for another team mid-season. But you know, that's just Manny being Manny. Wins: 89

Pittsburgh Pirates
I could easily put "Insert last 15 Pirates season projections"  right here, but I won't. Because this year, they might actually have a chance to improve on last season's 67 wins. Amidst the signings of two Indian pitchers who won a game show and baby stealing wives of prospects, the Pirates may have just put together a halfway decent 25-man roster. Ever since they hired a new manager (John Russell) and general manager (Neal Huntington), the focus has been towards the future of the franchise. Although that has been said before (see: 1994-2008), this season could begin to show the Pirates patience with their young talent. 22-year old Andrew McCutchen has been dubbed "the next great 5-tool talent" and will see significant playing time in the majors by mid-season. Pittsburgh is too great of a sports town (See: Steelers, Penguins) to have a professional franchise constantly set up camp at the bottom of the National League Central Division. Hopefully, fingers crossed, the Pirates begin making strides towards regaining the glory that a 120-year old franchise deserves. Wins: 72

Houston Astros
The Astros of 2009 are too much of an enigma to sum up in one paragraph. Do they have talent? Yes (See: Roy Oswalt, Carlos Lee, Lance Berkman). Are they young? Yes (See: Michael Bourn, Hunter Pence). Do they have veterans? Yes (See: Pudge Rodriguez, Darin Erstad, Miguel Tejada). The 2009 Astros at times this season will look like the best team in the division. Those times will be when Oswalt is on the mound and Michael Bourn is stealing 2nd, 3rd, and home. Other times, Houston will show their gaping holes and depleted farm system. That side will rear it's ugly head more times that not this season and thusly, Houston will end up towards the bottom of the Central. Look for Oswalt to be dealt around trade deadline time. For your troubles, here's a video of Hunter Pence signing bats. Wins: 79

Cincinnati Reds
In case you were wondering who Chris Dickerson is, here is a video of the rookie outfielder for the Reds going through his spring training apartment. Two interesting facts about Dickerson: He is an advocate for "Green" living and he is cousins with Hall of Fame NFL running back, Eric Dickerson. Anyway, about the Reds. It all comes down to how Johnny Cueto and Edinson Volquez pitch down the stretch. They have both shown to have All-Star talent, but both pitchers faded during the second half of the season. Although this doesn't seem to be the Reds season to break out, expect significant strides from their young position players (i.e. Chris Dickerson, Jay Bruce). Right now, Cincinnati looks very much like the 2008 Tampa Bay Rays. A team loaded with potential that only needs the right chemistry to make a playoff run. Though, in my opinion, that will be next season. Wins: 77

St. Louis Cardinals
Remember when this used to be Rick Ankiel? The young, impressionable pitcher who flat out forgot how to pitch. Look at him now. For the 2009 season, he will called upon to hit at least 25 homeruns and drive in 80 runs while at the same time, throwing strikes from the outfield to third base. This may sound very "Rick Reilly" but, it's funny how life works out. I feel like I am underrating the offense of St. Louis for this upcoming season. Other than Pujols, the names don't necessarily jump out at you, but the numbers are there. Last season, Ryan Ludwick had 37 homeruns and 113 RBIs (Nearly the same amount as Mr. Albert). I believe one of the most overlooked moves of the offseason is St. Louis' acquisition of Khalil Greene. Once upon a time (2004), Greene won the NL Rookie of the Year Award for the Padres. In a more potent lineup such as the Cardinals', Greene could rekindle some of that offensive productivity. Whatever the offense provides this season, the catalyst for St. Louis will be Chris Carpenter coming off an elbow injury. Wins: 87

Milwaukee Brewers
My suggestion to anyone who bets on baseball games (They do exist): Always take the over when dealing with the Brewers. Why? They. Hit. Home. Runs. In the 2008 season, five Brewers hit 20 or more homeruns. And that's not including Rickie Weeks and Bill Hall who have the capability. But, like the rest of the National League, pitching is not their strong point. After CC Sabathia followed the money to New York, the Brewers were left with a rotation of Jeff Suppan, Yovani Gallardo, Manny Parra, Braden Looper, and Dave Bush. World beaters, they are not. Consider the 2009 Milwaukee Brewers as any Texas Rangers team in the late 90s. Offensively talented with limited pitching depth that will inevitably burn out in the division series come October. Wins: 85

Chicago Cubs
Not much to say here. Almost nothing has changed since they were humiliated by the Dodgers in the NLDS. The only difference is that Kerry Wood is now with the Indians and Kevin Gregg will take over as closer. Maybe the addition of Milton Bradley will take them further in the playoffs. But let's be honest, never have those words been said in succession. We all know that the Cubs have terrific talent in all facets of the game. They hit for power, run the bases well, have stellar pitching and can close games. It just boils down to October. It's as if the entire Cubs organization comes down with the Arod disorder when the calendar hits October 1st. I don't feel bad for their fans though, they always seem to be having a great time at the games. Wins: 96

Washington Nationals
Last season, there was a little buzz surrounding the Nationals because of the opening of their new stadium. But that is where the buzz ended. Since their first season in the MLB, Washington has yet to compete for a division crown let alone a wildcard spot. And it seems that this season will bring more of the same. Even with the signing of Adam Dunn, Washington's offense will struggle to score runs. I tried searching for video on their "ace" John Lannan and this is all I got. Much like the Reds or the Pirates, the Nationals are designed to win at the earliest, 2011. Wins: 68

Florida Marlins
After reading Sports Illustrated's assessment of the 2009 Florida Marlins, they have deducted that their main weakness is defense. I'm not saying that they're wrong, but all I am saying is that defense won't be the reason the Marlins don't make the playoffs. It will be their bullpen. Compounded with Matt Lindstrom's injury from the World Baseball Classic will be his 1.45 WHIP. He may have had a solid second half (1.07 WHIP), but who's to say he won't regress back to walking a high number of batters and rendering a high batting average in balls put in play. Other than that, I really like their offense. Look for a breakout year from Cameron Maybin. Wins: 80

Atlanta Braves
If Atlanta believes that Tom Glavine will give them ANYTHING this season, they have totally lost everything that made them successful from 1991-2005. I understand that Glavine provided a lot of good times for the franchise, but naming him the 5th starter will be a huge mistake. He will be overmatched in every game he starts this season. Other than Tommy Boy, the rest of the Braves rotation is fairly sound. Derek Lowe may have been overpaid, but he will give them everything he has. He's durable, effective, and eats innings. He's the perfect pitcher to lead that staff. Javier Vasquez, who is constantly underwhelming, will definitely improve on a terrible 2008 season. The key to the Braves offense is the Jeff Francoeur, who also had an abysmal 2008 season. Another overlooked free agent signing: Garret Anderson. Wins: 86

Philadelphia Phillies
Like the Cubs, the Phillies are not much different from last season. Only a few changes. Pat Burrell: Out. Raul Ibanez: In. So it's easy to say that the Phillies will win the division. But there are a few things to consider. If you remember, Brad Lidge turned into Mariano Rivera for the entire 2008 season and did not blow a save all season. By the end of the season and into the playoffs, Philadelphia had an unhittable bullpen. It's unrealistic to think the same will happen in 2009. Also, let's not forget Matt Stairs. The man who enjoys celebrations a little too much. I guess it's a Canadian thing. Wins: 93

New York Mets
If this isn't the Mets year, then they will never have a year. Every aspect of their game has been examined, analyzed, and remedied in the off season. Offense: Taken care of. Bullpen: Taken care of. Starting Pitching: Almost there. If the Mets are to win the World Series (as Sports Illustrated predicts they will), John Maine and Mike Pelfrey both need to avoid injury and keep hitters off the base paths. Unlike 2007 and 2008, I see no collapse come September for the Mets. With the signings of Francisco Rodriguez and J.J, Putz, a late lead in the season won't be choked away. And if it is, the Mets organization better keep hold of the insurance policy on Citi Field. Wins: 95

Look for my preview for the American League tomorrow...or whenever.