Sean B. Fitzgerald It doesn’t go something like this, it goes exactly like this.

6Feb/100

SNOW!

If there is any indication of how boring life is, it's the local news outlets' reaction to an impending snow storm. Take for instance, this weekend for my area (the lower Hudson Valley and Northern New Jersey).

Pretty much since I woke up Monday morning there were whispers about some snow that was headed in our direction. The "system" (as they call it) was over Texas and the southern states at the time and was going to dump 19 feet of snow on us come the weekend. Now, if you live in the Northeast like I do, you get used to hyperbole in the weather forecasts, especially during the winter. Every weekend is going to be apocalyptic, according to them. Weathermen are about as accurate as a quarter, so listening to them is an exercise in futility.

What's noteworthy is the amount of airtime news outlets give snowstorms or potential blizzards. It's as if nothing else on the planet is occurring, at all. All murderers, rapists, crooked cops, or humans in general cease their activities to make way for the snow-maggeddon.

The other day I turned on the 5 0'clock news (which is a half hour show) to see how much snow we might get. For 29 minutes I was subjected to watching field reporters  knee-deep in snow across the tri-state area telling the world "It's snowing".

It's also great when a field reporter is stationed outside a Home Depot or supermarket before the storm hits. The place is mobbed with lemmings who are petrified that they might not have enough bread to last the weekend so they buy 18 loaves. And every one they interview just bought a shovel. As if they have lived in this area there entire life without a shovel. Apparently they just stayed inside all winter until the snow melted without having to shovel anything. My theory is that these people buy a shovel before every snowstorm, just in case.

Anyway, my area didn't get touched. Not one inch. Not even a flake. Not the best day for the shovel purchasers who must have thrown them in the pile with the other ones.

Can you tell I have Cabin Fever?

23Jan/091

I’m going 90 in a 65…

I consider myself a good driver. Let me rephrase that; I consider myself a great driver. I've prevented more accidents on the roads and highways of the greater tri-state area than power steering and anti-lock brakes. The amount of times I've avoided near disaster on the roads because of other drivers is in the hundreds. When you spend a majority of your driving in New Jersey, you wiggle yourself out of the tight grip of Death on a daily basis. Because as it's been well documented, New Jersey drivers hold the title as "Worst Drivers in America". I don't know if it's the smokestacks or oil refineries, something seems to get into a New Jerseyites' (New Jerseyian's?) DNA that causes them to have seizures as soon as their hands grasp the steering wheel. Because for the most part, people from New Jersey seem very well coordinated when not behind the wheel of a car. But strap a seatbelt on them, and they forget they have opposable thumbs.

As stated before, I escape Death routinely on the streets of New Jersey, but the other day was one for the scrapbook.

I was coming home from school around 5:30pm after having five very long classes. I had a bowl of cereal that morning, but had not eaten since. So needless to say, I was famished and in a particular rush to get home. That morning, as I headed to school, there was a relatively horrific accident heading southbound on the Garden State Parkway near the Paramus Mall (you know where that is). Around that area, the parkway spreads out to four lanes. But because of the accident, it had been cut down to one. This caused serious traffic. Eventually, I got to see how bad the damage was on the cars. One of the cars had been turned into an accordian. From the looks of it, everyone was okay and accounted for. Anyway, because of that, I was on edge driving home from school.

During rush hour, heading north on the Garden State Parkway isn't as bad as heading south. But there as two exits where the traffic gets really backed up. One is for Route 17, which is understandable. Route 17 IS New Jersey. And the other is for Westwood and Washington. Which I find odd because no one I know lives around there. No one even talks about that area. So I don't understand why people need to go there. So as I head up towards that exit, the entire right lane is packed with cars trying to get off. Naturally, I make my way over to the left lane so I can get by. As I drive by the exit, the car to my right swerves ahead of me trying to avoid some genius swerve into him from the right lane. I jerk to the left over onto the shoulder. Smart thing to do, right? You would think so. Except that I was approaching an overpass and if I stayed in the shoulder long enough, I wouldn't be writing this blog. As I see the overpass comes towards me, I jerk back over into the left lane. I straighten myself out and continue on going. It's at that point when your mind starts racing. The whole ordeal took about three and a half seconds. But not once in those seconds did I think. My mind was in the passenger seat while my body took over. But as I drove away, I thought to myself, "Should I stop? I almost died. What about the other cars? I can't just keep going." Luckily, the only thing I heard the whole time were a few tires screeching. No sounds of a crash.

The next day, I passed the exact same spot on the parkway. I saw a few skid marks but that was it. It's funny how one moron on the road can effect the lives of a lot of people. And I didn't even get hurt. Some people die because of the incompetence of New Jersey drivers. They really should be stricken from the road. They all should be required to take mass transit. If I ever die on a New Jersey highway, it can be ruled a suicide. Because its of my own doing to brave those roads. Anyway, I went off on a rant there. I felt it was needed.

I'll be back with more.